30 things. actually, 10. part 1.

30 Things:

So.. I think I must be bored lately. (Not having a steady job and being a newlywed with your husband on the other side of the world and no money to go out nor friends who are very available to see you will do that to a person.) Not only have I finally decided to take on a “Photo-a-Day” project for July on Instagram.. (username: aubreyhavea) but I also found this on a random blog. The instructions here, are that I’m supposed to post something about myself each day, according to the following list of questions.  The idea is to record different parts of my personality for my posterity, and I guess you get to know me better by default. This could potentially be very hilarious, emotional, and/or TMI. Sorry in advance, kiddos! And it’s also suggested that this list would make a fun date night?

BUUUUUT we all know how awesome I am at daily posts on my blog. ha.

laughable.

so I’ma do this in one big she-bam. because I’m in the mood. answers will be kept brief. and future great-grandchildren… y’welcome.

k. here we go.

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

  • I hate every kind of cheese. literally. yes.. even the cheese you were just about to ask me if I hate.
  • my first time out of the country ever was going to New Zealand. by myself.
  • I once put $500 worth of damage in a car with my hip, attempting to close the door.
  • I sang my first solo in sacrament meeting when I was 3 years old.
  • I said my first word when I was 5 months old.
  • cold cereal is my favorite snack. and daily breakfast. I feel wrong without it.
  • I can’t waterski to save my life.
  • I got my first kiss in high school over Spring Break in St. George. it was super lame.
  • I once ripped a huge hole in the butt of my jeans while climbing over a fence at a concert.. and I just wore them like that all day. I still have those pants.
  • I hate feet. that includes foot massages. no thank you.
  • I always have lip gloss. Victoria Secret Beauty Rush. always. I even sleep in it.
  • I still play the piano and sing, but growing up I also took lessons for the ukelele and the viola for brief periods of time
  • I once kayaked surrounded a pod of dolphins after snorkeling in a bay in Hawaii.
  • I own over 70 pairs of shoes.
  • the summer after high school, I was a cook at Domino’s Pizza.. and I could even toss the dough up in the air and spread it with my fists, like a pro.
  • I can wiggle my ears and do tricks with my lips, but I can’t, for the life of me, flare my nostrils.
  • my right foot is about a half size smaller than my left foot.
  • I am a closet Disney buff. and I have never been stumped in Disney trivia.
  • I’m fascinated by morbid TV shows like Criminal Minds.
  • I’m only 27.. but I’ve already had 14 jobs since I was 14.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

  • SHARKS. I could not be more terrified of them. I don’t know how it developed. I remember having nightmares about them as a child.. but now, as an adult, I have a full-on phobia. I have a panic attack and cry at the shark encounter at Sea World. I have nightmares from just the previews of shark horror movies. I even cried watching a TV show about them with husband in Tonga because I went into a panic attack. I don’t think he fully grasped my true terror before.. but he believes me now, when I say I’m terrified.
  • divorce and/or ending up alone. I think this is common. and this is depressing.. but.. does it really need further explanation? I am so lucky to have parents who are still so in love.. so I’m grateful for the hope that it can actually last.. despite what I see happening so often these days. (p.s. not concerned about my marriage. we’re fine. it’s just always a scary thought.)
  • losing everything.
sheesh. this question is a downer. NEXT.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

it’s wonderful. I couldn’t ask for better parents. they would do anything for me, and I am so undeserving. I’m a lot like my dad and we like to crack jokes back and forth and tease each other.. and my mom and I tend to have deeper conversations. they are just seriously the best. I’m so blessed.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

woof. where do I start?

  • you will barely even hang out or have contact with your friends from high school when this is over. stop worrying so much about their approval.
  • LOVE yourself. you are okay.. really. comparing yourself to those girls will only make you insecure and hate everything that makes you you.
  • you aren’t going to marry your “high school sweetheart.” you won’t even have a high school sweetheart. none of these boys will even be in your life in 5 years. they aren’t worth your wishes and energy and tears and boy crazy thoughts.
  • this rad little Subaru… will hold lots of memories. and it will teach you about how to deal with old breaking down cars. love her.
  • these are the dates and times of your forthcoming speeding tickets and accidents, and here’s how to avoid them. (this will save you a buttload of cash.)
  • you won’t get asked to prom. please prepare yourself starting now so it doesn’t break your heart later.
  • start working harder now to take care of yourself and be healthy and fit; it will make you feel better about yourself now, and it will make life a whole lot easier for you later.
  • you will bloom after high school. college will be about a million times better for you. you’re one of those people who gets better with age.
  • at your high school, almost all the kids are excellent, driven, and talented. this is a vanilla group where you won’t get a chance to stand out much. this doesn’t fit you very well.. just remember, it doesn’t make you less talented if you don’t make it into a group or organization. don’t lose faith in your talents. you are still special. you are still good. (and don’t bother so much with choir. maybe go for moonlight singers instead.)
  • focus your career preparation, starting now, on art, photography, and design. you already know how much you love those things. you’re good at them. don’t get side-tracked thinking you won’t be able to have a career in them. (you’ll like your Psychology studies, but trust me.. you’ll end up not wanting to work in that field when push comes to shove.) follow your passions.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

  • my husband
  • my camera
  • music
  • the gospel
  • my family

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

actually… honestly… I think right now may be (at least one of) the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. I must say.. I never thought I’d be 27 and married, but with my husband across the world — not knowing when I’ll see him again, living in my parents basement, with a job that’s falling through — searching hopelessly for solid employment, unable to afford anything — even my bills for the month, and awkwardly stuck in limbo between a single and married social life, with no friends around to hang out with.. feeling pretty alone, with no control over or knowledge of what’s going to happen in the future.

I have to say.. whatever lesson I’m supposed to be learning now.. is a very hard one.

but let’s not turn this into a pity party. woop woop!

7. What is your dream job, and why?

honestly… growing up my whole life, I always wanted to be a superstar singer. that would be my dream come true.

but my other passion is what I’m more actively pursuing… and that is art, photography, and graphic design. if I can get a stable career in that field, I will be one happy camper.

8. What are 5 passions you have?

  • anything artistic/creative – especially: photography, drawing, design, poetry
  • music – the window to my soul
  • the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or rather, the doctrines of the gospel that it teaches me, especially about my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ
  • dancing – I do it on a daily basis. I can’t help but move when I hear that beat.
  • people – they fascinate me. I love to be around them, to watch them, to draw them, to photograph them, to study their behavior, to be influenced by them, to learn about them.. etc.

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

in no particular order…

  • I’ll start with the obvious: my parents. they have shaped me into the person I am. they have been the most stable, driving influence I’ve had in my life. I will be eternally grateful.
  • my grandparents (I realize I’m grouping here. but they can be counted as one.) both sets, on mom’s and dad’s sides are the most extraordinary people that I’ve met.. and they would certainly claim otherwise. but they humbly and quietly and steadfastly go about doing good. they are loving and kind and always looking to serve. they have raised righteous families and created a legacy of humble, hard-working excellence.. and I couldn’t be more lucky to have them.
  • my aunt Tiffany. she is only 9 years older than me, and she was my hero growing up. I worshipped the ground she walked on and hung on her every word. she is like the big sister I never had. I always wanted to be beautiful and awesome like her.
  • my siblings. as a group. each for different reasons. I am extremely close with them.. they are my friends, not just my brothers and sisters (including my new sister-in-law, Kristi). even though they are younger than I am, they consistently teach me with their examples. they are all better than I am.. I have been raised in a family of spiritual giants. I don’t know how I got here. but I am privileged. and especially now, I am more grateful than ever for them. they are my closest friends.
  • my cousin Amberlee. through all of the friends I’ve had in my life, she has been the stable friendship that I grew up with since before either of us can remember. we’ve had more sleepovers at each other’s houses than either of us can count.. she put up with all my crazy over-imaginative antics, and even though we are opposites in personality.. I will always adore her.
  • my best friend Cambria. we grew up around the corner from each other, but she is 2 years older than me, so we never knew we were destined to be best friends until I moved back home from Utah State and we discovered that we were so similar it blew our minds. she helped me learn how to just.. be happy.. even in the face of trouble. she was the one who never turned down a crazy adventure with me. and I can’t even begin to count all of the greatest memories we’ve made together. so epic.
  • my high school best friend, Kathryn. so many good times.. she helped me learn how to take care of myself, how to do my hair and makeup, how to feel pretty.. she opened me up to new experiences in life that taught me and shaped me as a person. she even fostered my love for rap and hip hop. and she made me feel loved and included.. which was exactly what I needed as an insecure teenager.
  • you knew this was coming.. but, of course, my husband, Mote. he is the love of my life.. I had to go all the way to Tonga to find him. (I always loved poly men, but I never thought I’d have to look quite that far.) I can’t believe I found someone so much like me in so many ways.. someone who can be my best friend and my husband at the same time. he makes me feel loved and special and good about myself.. he’s funny and handsome and talented and smart and chill.. he brings out my desire to be better.. and I get to be with him for eternity. suckas!!
  • my favorite mission companion, Audrey (Nonoa). my sista from anotha mista. from day one in the MTC it was a special bond. we went through the ups and downs of our entire missions together, we spent a transfer over Christmas together, and then we finished it off together, the way we started. she is the perfect example of Christlike love and selfless service. I have never met someone more capable of such great love for so many people. she is one of my all-time favorite people ever.
  • I’m gonna do one more group.. this one is my aunts and uncles in general. I have grown up with an extremely close relationship with my extended family. we gathered for weekly Sunday dinners, and I cherish all the time spent with my aunts and uncles, on both sides, during my life. I am the favorite brunt of all their jokes and target of all their teasing.. but I dish it right back to them. (in particular, Danny on Mom’s side and John on Dad’s side.) but I think it is largely attributed to them that I’ve always had such great relationships with adults as I’ve grown up. I will always be so grateful for them.
  • honorable mentions: Andrew McMahon, Zooey Deschanel, Coach Downs, Marjorie Pay Hinckley, Pres and Sis Colton – who should actually be on the list and not just honorable mention, Chris Farley, Ryan Reynolds, Bishop Solt, countless friends, Batman.

10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.

pff. it’s hard for me to pick a “most” embarrassing moment. but one that still brings me to the point of blushing and shutting my eyes when I think about it was thanks for my dear, sweet friend, Cambria. we were at a young single adult regional conference. we went to the treats room to get food and mingle afterwards. I saw a boy I’d had a crush on in high school across the room. I had taken him to the Christmas dance and he was the first boy I’d ever held hands with. I whispered that and pointed him out to Cam as we roamed the room. I avoided him. but a little while later, we made contact and began talking. suddenly, Cam walks up to us and blurts out, “hi first boy that Aubrey ever held hands with!” my jaw dropped and I could have died. right there.. as if I had raved about this experience and never gotten over it since high school and she had been dying to meet him all this time. when in actuality, I had never even mentioned him to her before today. he chuckled and said, “I hope I wasn’t the last..” at this point I was simply gasp-laughing.. mouth still open.. unable to respond out of embarrassment, but she continues with, “oh no. she’s held hands with LOTS of boys since then. not that… she’s a floozy or anything…”
and that’s when I had to cut it off. I had never felt so humiliated. like I’d been ruminating on this high school crush all these years and still held on to a few seconds of hand-holding like it was the greatest moment of my life. I pretty much felt like driving straight to a cave and moving in.
such a special day!

okay. so I lied. this thing is WAY too much to tackle in one post. just those 10 questions were exhausting. I think I’ll break this up into 3. so here’s 10. now it’s bedtime.

nighty night boys and girls.

here’s a sneak preview of the questions still to come.

to be continued… 

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

28. What is your love language?

29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

when it hurts

people don’t know how to handle this…

I think they care,

or they’re just curious…

but they’re helpless.

just like me.

I don’t know what I’m doing…

I don’t know how/when this is going to work out and be resolved.

I am walking — charging — forward in darkness…

my only light as I stumble is constituted of hope slivers, peeking through heavy gray and black skies…

maybe that’s why God gave us stars..

so that amidst a massive darkened sky, we could see shining pieces of something bigger than us…

to remind us that we’re not alone in a shut-off world.. but rather, part of an organized universe.

we are small and helpless… but hope is not lost, if we will be patient.

there is something more than us, and someone who is everything who planned it.

that’s why things have a way of always working out…

and almost always are they contrary to our own plans… but better than we imagined.

and even if they don’t feel better at the time… they make us better in the end.

coincidence is a foolish notion.

choices and divinity are not.

we are set on a forever course.

we only have to choose how we want to run it, and where we want to go.

these are the things I remind myself…

this time, this separation, this solitude,

this aching

is only a moment in eternity.

this is temporary.

my problem is,

temporary feels like eternity.

as for now…

I don’t know how to cope with the long nights alone… with the tears in sheets…

with desperate hopeful messages that bring some fleeting respite…

only to make wishes more poignant and missing you more painful.

I don’t know how to handle the nightmares,

I don’t know how to deal with the uncertainty of, “when will I see you again?”

and I’m tired of the same questions from well-meaning mouths, reminding me over and over…

that I don’t have the answer.

and the faces of horror and pity,

and the exclamations

that it is so hard… and it sucks so bad…

and that they don’t know how they would do it,

and that they don’t know how I do it.

I don’t either.

but the worst are those who ask why I did it this way… why I didn’t just find someone here,

as if I could go to the store and choose it.

I feel the good intentions and the love and concern,

and I’m grateful,

but the reminders are hard to take.

it’s a strange feeling to be part of a two, but be living as a one.

it’s a new kind of empty loneliness..

it’s as if part of me is not there,

and I’m not sure how to feel whole.

I am surrounded by others who are bathed in a new excitement that comes with togetherness,

and I am overjoyed for them.

and I know I have a commonality,

yet nothing to hold on to.

I’ve done everything in my power…

but I am still powerless to change this, or to speed up time.

my future is resting in someone else’s hands…

and all I can do is watch and wait.

if I ever thought I knew anything about patience or helplessness,

I was mistaken.

this is hard,

and the nights are the hardest.

but I’m holding on.

I didn’t know I could miss someone so deeply,

from the parts inside my soul that were reserved only for me,

until you.

so when it hurts,

and those deep places are aching,

I close my eyes and try to remember, again,

now is temporary,

I have you for eternity.

and I say a prayer,

swallow through the pain,

turn up the corners of my lips,

and just try to breathe.

once upon an island wedding..

so hey guys. here it is.. finally..

the wedding post, as promised! (even if you guys don’t care, it’s for posterity. and me. and many, if not most of you, have already seen a bunch of the wedding photos on Facebook. there are more there than there are here, but here’s the backstory.)

ready.. steady.. go!

so as I’ve mentioned, husby is from Tonga.. and that’s where we had our wedding. on a little third world beautiful friendly tropical island in the South Pacific. it was nothing like I ever thought my wedding would be.. but it was wonderful, once it finally happened.

after an uber long flight and a fat layover in Fiji, where we toured the island but were so tired it barely sank in, the afternoon and night that we first arrived in Tonga were blissful.. I was reunited with mister, and could not have been happier. that night, after we’d taken my parents around for awhile and then dropped them at the hotel, he took me out to the shore and we sat on a rock wall and he had me pick a ring*. we talked about us and marriage and happiness and how strange it was to think that we were marrying “Elder Havea” and “Sister Wilkinson,” respectively, from the mission (the good old FTM) in a day or so. and then it started raining.. and we stood on the rock wall along the ocean and laughed and kissed, soaking wet, in the rain. it was a perfect night.

(*sidenote: the ring saga. since I’m basically using this blog post as a journal entry, and I’d like to look back and remember how it all went, I’ll include this part. the ring I’d been wearing throughout our engagement was a flat gold band with little diamonds set into the top that his sister-in-law had given me in New Zealand. Mote had ordered me a ring from New Zealand and his brother and sis-in-law were supposed to bring it with them when they came to the wedding in Tonga, but.. they ended up not coming. so.. Mote, being stressed, went to a local woman who makes jewelry to get me a pearl ring, and he had me pick out of 3 options. I ended up liking the pink one, which surprised me. but it’s gorgeous. and I wore that on the wedding day and for the majority of the time I was there, until it started to tarnish and turn my finger colors. we went back to the lady, because the ring was way too big anyway, to see if there were any other options for settings. she said the pearl is real but I should get a real metal setting that fits when I went back to the U.S.. but then she suggested that we get a whale bone ring with a pearl set on top from her, because it was much more durable. we said we’d give it a shot and she made one for us within a few days, right before I left, and we ended up really liking it. it has a super cool look and everybody loves it because of its uniqueness.. but just two nights ago, I was cleaning and putting away laundry, and then realized..
my pearl had fallen out of the ring.
I was obviously super upset.
my ring life was over, which is one of the few connections I have right now to husband that make it seem real.. since we’re living apart.
but later that night I felt like I should look on my closet floor, so I pulled out the shoe rack and parted the sea of clothes.. bam.
there was the pearl.
I’m not wearing the ring now because it’s pearl-less, and I want to take it into a jeweler and get it set in real metal on the whale bone, rather than glued in something cheaper. so at this point.. I’m half wearing the other tarnished metal pearl ring that’s way too big, and half not wearing a ring. and it’s been a big dumb mess. so there’s the saga of the ring. all you ladies who had easy peasy lemon squeezy times with getting the ring of their dreams in fancy proposals by their hubbies should now count themselves luckier. please and thank you.. because nothing about my wedding gets to be easy. end sidenote/saga.)

SO. in case you haven’t had enough drama yet.. and you’re getting bored.. here you go.
the day before the wedding.. we had basically the most stressful day of our lives. we’d had somebody go check for us prior to the trip exactly what we’d need to do to get married in Tonga with me being a non-citizen of the country, we thought we were good to go, but apparently they didn’t check with immigration. so we found out we were supposed to have had one of us living in Tonga for at least 6 months prior to the wedding, (he was living in NZ, I was in the U.S.. none of those initials spell Tonga) and have completed all sorts of applications and gotten approval from the supreme court of Tonga, etc. and that the process would all take about 2 weeks to process through immigration.

TWO WEEKS.

let me remind you.. this was
the. day. before. our. wedding.

can we say meltdown material?

(fortunately, Mote, although stressed to the gills, with all the pressure on high, handled everything amazingly. he was very calm and collected and impressed my parents very much with his composure in a super tough situation. because of everyone’s calm and practical positivity, we were all able to hold ourselves together fairly well. my only brief meltdown was sitting in the waiting room at the temple, as we waited to discuss our predicament with the temple president (our sealer) and tentatively cancel our appointment, crying into Mote’s shoulder for a few minutes.)

anyway, upon finding all this out, we went driving to get my parents, and then happened to stumble upon a lawyer’s office, which are not common on the island. divine intervention? you bet. so we hired said lawyer, who typed up all the documents for us, and his assistant went personally with us to the supreme court and the immigration office and the marriage registration office and the temple.. back and forth.. all. day. she was great. and my sister wired us more money from America for this unplanned surprise.. yet we still didn’t know that night if everything was going to be approved by the next day. our wedding was up in the air.

do you see how miserable we look here? this was at the wedding registry government office. or whatever it’s called. we look like we’re about to be ushered in to a funeral. my dad sneaked this picture, apparently.

so I went to bed that night at the hotel with my parents, hoping.. but not sure.. riding on pure faith. everyone in Mote’s family and circle of acquaintance who is employed with the Tongan government was pulling every string they could reach, and we would see what the morning brought.

and the next morning, Mote called the hotel and told us..

IT WAS ON!

relieved and happy, we busied ourselves with preparations.. getting ready for my wedding was not super easy, given that I was in a third world country.. and our hotel room didn’t even have a mirror.. nor a private bathroom.. and my straightener didn’t work with the converter/adapter.. (haha, and to think I debated in my mind as a teenager as to whether I would get professional hair and makeup done on my wedding day.)
but we borrowed a mirror from the lobby and a straightener from Mote’s sister and I managed.

it turned out ok, I think.

I started out in what I call my “civil wedding dress,” because in Tonga you have to get married by the government first and then have it ratified by a church in order for it to be considered complete and legal.. so in the case of the Latter Day Saint temple marriage, you go get married at the government office first, and then go get sealed either that day or the next.

we did it the same day. I wore a knee-length lace dress that my sister and I modified with a silk plum-colored extension at the bottom to make it more modest.

and then the aunties arrived to dress us in our ta’ovalas.. the traditional Tongan wrap.. and leis to wear for the ceremony.

we felt like tamales… especially Mote. his was huge. but it was super fun to have all these Tongan women surrounding me dressing me in their traditional clothes. I felt like I was in a movie or a dream. and.. gorgeous. my mother-in-law made the beading on top that I wore. it was beautiful.

we were then driven to the office where we’d be married by the government. we waited for awhile out front and then inside. only my parents and Mote’s aunty, Ngalu, were allowed in to the back office with us. it was supposed to be only one person, but Ngalu likes to get her way. haha. she is like Mote’s second mother and she is a SASSY pants.. so hilarious. loved her. anyway.

our governmental marriage ceremony was very short and sweet. the guy on the other side of the desk had us each hold a corner of the Bible, and repeat after him, Mote in Tongan and me in English, swearing to our marriage, and then we each had to kiss the Bible and sign the paperwork.. and that was it!


we emerged from the back office in a whirlwind.. and lots of smiles and comments and laughter from Mote’s loved ones. I understood none of the comments, but apparently they were pretty hilarious. although I do know that while we were waiting to be taken back, they made several jokes about my dad still being young and that he could take on multiple wives. haha. my mom just laughed. go Dad.. you Tongan lady killer.

so then, we drove straight to the temple to be sealed. as we were walking in I was introduced to the huge bouquet and lei Ngalu had made for me from flowers in her yard. she was so sweet to do that for me.. I didn’t even know how to hold so many flowers/foliage! the yellow flowers were especially really cool.

we got out of our ta’ovalas in the temple waiting room and then they took us into an interview room to meet with a temple worker briefly before the ceremony. then they took us each back to our respective bride and groom rooms to change. because of the sacredness of the ceremonies and ordinances that happen in the temple, I can’t go into detail here, but as I mentioned, our sealer was the temple president, President Hopoate. what a wonderful, sweet man. we could not have asked for a better person to seal us for time and all eternity. the spirit in those rooms was so strong it overwhelmed us. we knew that Heavenly Father had given us the miracles that had brought us to this moment, not just the day before, but over the course of our entire relationship, and me being in Tonga with my parents at all, and that this was a good thing… this was right. I don’t remember ever being so purely happy as I was kneeling across the altar from my eternal companion. I can’t even express how grateful I am that we kept ourselves worthy to be sealed by Priesthood authority in the house of the Lord. there is nothing that can compare to it. it was truly celestial.

after the sealing ceremony, we exchanged rings and hugs with family and friends.. and then went back to change into our American-style wedding clothes.

princess time!!!

I love my dress. it makes me feel more beautiful than anything I’ve ever worn. I touched up hair and makeup while mom did up a row of a bazillion buttons down my back with a crochet hook.. and I think I was even ready before Mote was. the sweet ladies in the temple kept ooh-ing and ah-ing over me as I walked out to meet him.. the beauty of getting married in a small temple outside of Utah, is that you get to be the only wedding that day.. so you don’t have to compete with others for photos or attention. it was like star treatment. but we got so caught up in getting everything ready that we failed to collect my civil wedding dress from the closet in the bride’s room. that turned out to be a problem later that night, as that was what I had planned to wear to the dance. so I had to default to a coral H&M number, but that’s fine.. and that’s later.

stop distracting me.

so we walked out of the temple to cheers and clapping and I pumped our fists in the air as we held hands, because I’m awesome.. and everyone laughed.. and we couldn’t stop smiling. it was basically pure, unadulterated happiness.

and then everyone wanted photos with us, especially the palangi and her pretty dress.. which was fine. we felt like movie stars with our paparazzi and fans.

and then, since photography is not exactly a booming business in Tonga, my dad was our photog and we did temple grounds pictures. (this was one of the hardest parts for me to swallow, and again.. not how I planned my wedding my whole life. photos were basically the only thing I really cared about for my wedding.. so the deal I made with Mote when I agreed to do the wedding in Tonga was that we’ll get professional photos done when he gets to the states, because we couldn’t even get engagement pics, let alone wedding photography. some of you know that I do photography on the side. it’s a big deal to me.. so I had trained my dad somewhat on my new camera prior to the trip and printed him a list of thumbnail versions of all the photos I wanted, so Mom helped check off the list and fix details while Dad took pics. he did an awesome job. and thank the heavens for my Photoshop skills! annnnd, glory be, I ended up loving my wedding photos! I recommend everybody make a list of the photos they want on their wedding day, it will help out even a professional photographer a great deal, and you’ll get the shots you wanted.)

whoa. tangent. back on track!!

so after the temple photos, Mote surprised me by taking us to what are called the blowholes for some photos. one of my favorite shots of the whole day comes from this spot. we stood on a huge cliff as the waves crashed below us, spraying water like a geyser to astronomical heights above us. this made my dress smell like seawater later, (don’t worry. my mom got it cleaned as soon as it got back to the states) and I frantically kept yelling to my dad to protect my camera from spray, but it was totally worth it. what an incredible view. this is why it’s cool to get married on a tropical island.

so then we were headed to our feast on ‘Otuhaka Beach with Mote’s close family and friends! or so we thought.

enter.. the awesome Tongan roads.

so… they have paved roads in Tonga.. sort of.. but many of the roads are so bad you end up feeling like you’re going off-roading just running to the shop in town, through potholes the size of small craters in the middle of the road. the poor cars.. and shocks..

so the construction workers had conveniently closed the only way to get to the beach we had reserved and paid for with a beautiful pavilion and tables.. and nobody could get there.

I think Ngalu could see the alarm on my face when I heard the news, because she told me to calm down and that we’d get there. we drove to the spot where the road was being closed by workers, and Ngalu talked to one of the workers who she sort of knew, bribed him with money, and then yelled at him to let everybody through to the beach, or she’d come back and kill him.
hahaha. I told you she was awesome.

so we made it to the beach, but because of the delay plus Tongan time, nothing was ready. we had plenty of time for beach pictures, though. it was absolutely gorgeous. I got a temple wedding and a beach feast.. best of both worlds, baby. I was in utter bliss at this point. I was married to my Tongan honey forever, I was on the beach, and nothing else was even gonna phase me.










so once the feast was ready, we opened with a prayer and sat down at the head table full of various Tongan dishes, complete with a roasted pig right in front of us, and coconuts with straws stuck in the holes to drink from. there were several great dishes, and I filled up fast. then Mote’s sweet dad got up and spoke to the group. he apologized for not being a member of the church, (Mote’s parents go to the Church of Tonga) and said how grateful he was for this day and the ward and my parents coming all the way from America to be here for the wedding. he said he was so grateful to finally have a palangi daughter (haha. p.s. palangi means white) and he doesn’t know why I want Mote, but he is sure glad I do. ha. Mote translated his speech for me as he went, and it was very sweet. then they had my dad speak. Ngalu translated for him. he mostly talked about how grateful he was for the hospitality we had been shown and the love and warmth, etc. but Ngalu spiced it up and gave it all her own extra flavor. she started out by saying that the palangi was scared to be up talking to all these Tongans, and the laughter continued from there. and at the end and said, “and thank you to me for being a great translator, and you can take me back to America with you.” haha.
too many awesome “take me to America” jokes were bouncing around. it was highly entertaining. Tongans are crack-ups.


then it was time to cut the cake. Mote had brought this cake all the way from New Zealand, because it was a couple hundred dollars cheaper over there. this was all him.. it was two-tiered, and he had the bakery print our favorite picture of us together on the cake in fondent with “Congratulations Mote & Aubrey” beneath it. it was very sweet and nice. unfortunately we didn’t get a great photo of it.. but this was how it looked.

anyway, we cut the cake and he was very nice when he fed me a bite, and of course I shoved it in his face/up his nose a little. he was totally unprepared. everybody thought it was hilarious. but I kissed it off, so it was fine.

then they sang a hymn and closed with a prayer.

oh.. but lest ye think this day was long enough already… we were not done yet, boys and girls. it was time for the dance that the ward threw for us in celebration.

we went back to the hotel to change, and Mote went home to change as well, and that’s when we realized we’d left my other dress at the temple, so I went to the plan B dress.

Mote came back around and picked us up again and we went to the church. they had basically made a throne with ta’ovalas and mats on chairs for us and my parents, and it was very cool to feel like the queen of the ball. we danced the night away. Polynesian dances are so much more fun than white dances.. everybody actually dances, and likes it. we kept having to participate in unexpected Tongan traditions that Mote hadn’t warned me about, like having to do a dance where we walk around the room essentially gathering the people behind us in line, and leading them all in a big long line, and then splitting off, me leading the women, him leading the men, and meeting in the middle, and then splitting off in various ways, making our lines longer and longer. it was slightly confusing, but very fun. I was basically like, “uh… I don’t know how to do this.” haha.

(we forgot the camera at the dance.. so all the pictures are crappy cell phone pics. sorry ’bout it.)



and then they had us come stand at the head of the room and played songs while people came up and kissed us and put leis on us… about 20 (or 200) pounds worth of leis each. they were mostly candy leis in Saran Wrap, but a couple of flower ones as well. then we had to slow dance with leis all over us.. to “Love Can Build a Bridge.” it was very romantic and heavy. literally.




we went back and sat on our thrones and shared the wealth of the candy leis with everyone.. and various people would ask us to come dance with them throughout the night. in Tonga, when you ask someone to dance, you just stand in front of them and bow. I think if we did that in America it would really lower the rejection rate. let’s pick up the tradition, guys.

and then we had some dance performances of traditional Tongan dances by young ladies in the ward, like the tau’olunga, which is the Tongan money dance that, traditionally, the bride does.. but since I’m not Tongan and had no teacher to help me learn to interpret a Tongan song with Tongan dance moves… one of the ysa’s in the ward did it. she was wrapped in a traditional tongan outfit and oiled up all over so people could come stick money to her skin. it was very cool.

I think I need to learn how so people can come give me money by sticking it all over me, and have it be totally non-sleazy and beautiful like that. that would be fine.

anyway, we dropped my parents at their hotel, and then drove back to ‘Otuhaka Beach, where we stayed for about 5 days on our honeymoon before we went to stay at his parents’ house for the remainder of my trip.

and there you have it.. the perfectly imperfect best day of my life.. where I ended up hitched to the man who’s imperfectly perfect for me.

did I mention I love this guy?

goodbye solteria

well.. it looks like the last time I posted about the biggest event of my life.. it was 39 days away. now.. it’s 3 days away.

yep.

3 days till I’m Mrs. Havea. and it’s hitting me hard. and my head has just exploded onto the wall behind me.

sick.

just kidding. everything about my head is still intact. except for the fact that I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience and I can’t believe I leave to go to TONGA tomorrow to go get married to a guy I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with for over a year.. with whom I served a mission, but barely knew at the time, and never imagined would end up being my husband.. ever.

WHO AM I?

this is seriously surreal. and you guys..

I could not be more excited!! and more.. every possible emotion all at the same time!

I just wanted to do one last post as a single woman.. and when I return, I’ll do my best to give a juicy marriage update full of Tonga details and photos. mmkay? I have promised that to so many people that I feel pretty hugely obligated.

anyway, I love him. a lot.

he’s perfect for me.. in our imperfect way. and my favorite part about this whole thing.. is how excited he is. it’s seriously the cutest, happiest, most wonderful thing that’s ever happened in my life. I’ve waited a long time for him..

and I truly have no idea how this wedding is really gonna go down, but I get to be married to Mote, so it’s gonna be okay.

so.

I’m gonna go to sleep now, so I can wake up and church it up, celebrate my AMAZING mom (seriously.. what would I do without her? she is flying across the world w/me tomorrow to happily support me marrying a man she has never met.. mom of the year), talk to my Isaac brother (who gets home from missionary-ing in Brazil in 3 weeks!!!!) and then get on a plane and fly across the ocean to see my other half.

I’ll catch you guys on the flip side of single!

(that’s the married side, right? ..k.)

❤

my birthday is on Tuesday.

so just in case anybody was feeling overwhelmed trying to figure out what to get me,

I’d like:

  • “The Five Ghosts & The Seance” album by Stars
  • This bathing suit
  • A camera case for my new Nikon baby
  • A shellac mani-pedi
  • New glasses
  • A million dollars

but seriously, you guys.

I’m turning 27. it’s making me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be close to 30. I’m not sure why.

30 shouldn’t be such a scary number.. it should feel like an accomplishment.. and a beginning.

but I’m stressing myself out. I think I thought I would have accomplished more in my life by the time I got there.

or maybe when I say, “accomplished more,” what I really mean is.. that I’d be mature and handling life like an adult.. that I’d know more things, and have more experience..

but I suppose that’s the nature of change.. it makes humans feel unprepared and inadequate.

I am so happy to be facing a big fat new marital stage of life in.. 39 days. so excited.

and simultaneously terrified.. less of the marriage than of the part that follows.. the reproducing and parenting part.

or maybe I just don’t want to be 27.

whatever.

I’m going back to 25.

just when you thought you knew..

we’re about to throw you for a 180 again. well.. not a complete 180.. maybe more like a 90.

but enough math analogies.

what I’m trying (badly) to say is that wedding plans for M and me have changed.. again.. but this time it’s final. for real.
(I know it’s hard to believe me when it seems like it changes every other month, but trust me this time. if you could see me, I would have my most angelic face on.)

so.. this time.. the news is that

MY PARENTS ARE COMING TO TONGA!!!!

with me. in May. I’m sto-hoked, you guys!

I can’t believe the tender mercies that have come to us to make this work out, in the form of generous angels who prefer to remain nameless and answers to prayer.

but because my parents will be there, M says the “three most important people in my life” will be there.. (including himself, of course) we have decided to go ahead and be sealed in the temple in Tonga instead of waiting till the fall in Utah. we don’t want to prolong the blessings of an eternal temple marriage any longer than necessary since my parents get to be there.

so that’s the news.

don’t worry Utah friends and fam.. we are still having a reception in Zion.. in the fall, after M’s green card paperwork processes and we are both in the states together.

(it’s gonna be a looooong summer without him. please help distract me?)

countdown to wife-dom: 64 days!

I forgot to point out the obvious.

I just realized I forgot to point out the fact that my blog got a makeover! it’s been.. what.. more than a year since I did anything with the design? two years, maybe? so I decided it was time for a change. and I’m feelin it so far. I hope you are too.

ALSO. now that it’s no longer February, I just noticed that missed my blog’s birthday!

worst. blogger. ever.

but happy 3rd birthday to my blog! I made it to 3 years of intermittent and inconsistent posting what has essentially turned into a public online diary! heyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! (<– to be read in your best ghetto voice. out loud.)

and as happy as my nuptial news is.. I also realized another fact.. I can’t really call my blog “The Wilki Way” anymore if I’m gonna be a Havea.

anyone have any clever ideas for when that day comes?

…Bueller?

I mean…not Bueller. ..Havea?

ofa

it was 13 days after V-day.. but a package finally arrived from New Zealand today. with my Valentine’s gift from M. and it made me smile through my whole body.. the way a junior high girl does when her crush talks to her.

I’m silly like that.

sue me for being a romantic..

but the card turned me into a puddle.

he did well. here’s the front of it. the message he **wrote inside was the best part.. but that’s just for me.

 

I know.

take a moment and sigh wistfully…

and he got me a beautiful Tongan necklace with matching earrings and a photo album.

he’s cute.

 

so, moving to the next item..

I figured I would intro my news with something romantic to get you in the mood.

ready?

okay.

it’s official. my ticket is booked and I am going here in 2.5 months..

yes. those are the beaches and palms and crystal blue waters of Nuku’Alofa Tonga.. where M is from. why am I going there, you ask?

oh you know…

to get married. 

May 18th is the day.

and here’s the deal.. in the LDS church handbook, one of the stipulations that allows couples to be sealed in the temple less than a year from their wedding date is when the country they are marrying in does not recognize temple marriage as legal. that is the case in Tonga, and you have to be married civilly first and THEN get sealed. so I talked to my bishop, and (especially since Mote’s family aren’t members, aside from his youngest brother who is on a mission in SLC) he said the point of the rule is not to dilute the sacredness of the temple sealing, but since we have to be married civilly first anyway, it’s not different to be sealed there vs being sealed here with all of my family present in the temple with us. (so his family can participate in the part they care about and mine can be there for the part that’s important to them)

so this is my convoluted way of telling you that we are going to be married on the beach in Tonga on May 18th, and then we will be sealed here when he comes to the states in the fall once his green card paperwork processes.

YAY!!!

but you guys… do you realize what this means??

I’m going to be a WIFE in 2.5 months.. Mrs. Havea.

whoa.

after all these disasters.. after all of these obstacles… it’s finally set, and it’s finally happening.

and we will appreciate each other so much more after the struggle and effort we’ve had to put forth to stay together and make this work. it’s been just a month shy of a year of across-the-world dating.. and I’m ready to not be across-the-world anymore.

now.. after all this happy news, there is some sucky ace stickiness.. a new hurdle that’s been placed in my path.. (because just when I think we’ve figured it out, something else hits us in between the eyeballs and laughs at us. we can’t catch a break.)

as of last week, with notice of only a few hours, I lost my source of income. I still technically have a job teaching college, and I tutor English a couple of hours a week; but due to low enrollment in the billing and coding program, I don’t have a class to teach this module. this presents a grave problem when you are attempting to pay your bills AND save up for an international wedding while somehow being able to support your husband when he moves across the world to you. and normally I would be ok to search for a job like a typical person.. except I’m mid-semester, which means my schedule is slightly weird, and I also am leaving to Tonga for 3 weeks in May. that’s always a fun thing to have to tell a brand new employer.. “oh by the way, I know you just hired me, but I’m just gonna head out of the country for 3 weeks, aight? cool. deuces!”

so let’s just say there have been many tears and hours of lost sleep trying to figure out what to do. I’m trying to have blind faith that the Lord will provide, but it’s reallllly tough to understand the timing of this one. and to top it off, he’s not working this week either, until his company gets another job.. so we’re both awesomely unemployed at the mo. my faith has had to be tested over and over again over the past few months, so it must have needed some heavy strengthening. I’m not sure what will happen, but I hope I can find a solution soon. and of course church this past Sunday was all about fear vs faith. I need to hand my fears over to the Lord and have faith that my efforts will be rewarded with blessings. (not a strong suit for my independent personality)

one bright spot in all this, though, has been the support and love and help of friends and family.

I am so blessed for the people I have in my life. they are proof that Heavenly Father must love me a whole lot.

woo!

okay. this post turned into something much more complicated and detailed and overshare-y than I intended it to be. apologies, friends!

but thanks for making it this far if you stayed with me.

the bottom line is.. I am so excited that I finally get to marry my best friend. 🙂

cuz it’s about freakin time!

 

** sidenote: I observed tonight that his handwriting is just as good as (and very similar to) mine. and I pride myself on my handwriting skillzz. meant to be?

Remembering Brittney

Yesterday I received some absolutely devastating news. I found out that one of my amazing students passed away at St. Mark’s Hospital on Saturday at only 19 years old due to Pneumonia. I could not get ahold of myself yesterday to stop the flow of tears that kept coming throughout the day. I feel like I’ve lost a child or something. After some intensive prayer, I was finally able to feel some peace yesterday evening. And I’ve been a mixture of happy and sad as I’ve reflected back on my memories of her. But since all of my memories of her are happy, I am feeling blessed to have had the chance to get close to her. I’m grateful for my knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and knowing that this isn’t the end. She’s just on the other side now. But it’s startling and it has caused me to reflect on what a precious gift life is.. and the people that are in mine. I’m especially grateful right now for every student I’ve had the opportunity to teach and for the bonds and friendships I’ve made. Today, I was asked to contribute a memory or two of her for her eulogy. It turns out writing something for a eulogy is pretty hard, and I’m sure I wrote too much. But here’s what I came up with:

Brittney Crowder… how do I say this? How do I write a ray of sunshine? From the first second she entered into my classroom I knew she was special. Brittney walked in with a big sparkling smile on her face and introduced herself and my first thought was, “this has to be one of the most polite girls I’ve ever met.” And when the woman who claimed to be her “sister” (a.k.a. mother), Cassandra came in, and the sarcastic banter between them began, I knew teaching them was gonna be a hilarious ride. And it was. They kept us all laughing. Probably the funniest part about it was hearing this typically sweet, happy girl throw out sarcastic zingers and smack talk in every classroom game as soon as it got competitive.

But one thing I’ll never forget about Brittney was her selfless attitude. She apologized more than anybody I’ve ever met because she put everyone before herself, never wanting to inconvenience anyone. She never ever failed to ask me about my day or my life or what I did over the weekend — not once. She was consistently helping everyone around her. She was one of the smartest students I’ve had, and she knew all the answers to my questions in class. I was always impressed by her ability to retain information. But she held back from taking over because she wanted others in the class to have a chance to participate too. It was so funny to watch her when my students played a speed vocabulary game, because she always knew the answer first, but she would slowly and carefully write the word out in fancy lettering so it wouldn’t be such an obviously hard beating. And then she would doodle her name or my name on the board while she waited.

Brittney was positive, she was funny, she was witty, she had a brilliant white smile that lit up everything. She had an easy and contagious laugh, and she radiated happiness, despite all the hard and terrible things she occasionally alluded to that she had experienced in her young life. She was focused and knew what was important. She was creative and she never held back expressing her love with words and hugs and gifts and notes. She was thoughtful and aware. She was never too busy to help or to stop and talk. She was respectful and considerate. And she had an impact on everyone she came into contact with simply because she cared about them. And there was a maturity in her beyond her years. I think, even though she only spent a short few years on the earth, she fit a lot of living into them.

My favorite memory of Brittney is probably when she took it upon herself to make a video for the Medical Administrative Assistant program in order to recruit more people to enroll. She re-wrote the lyrics to LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem,” and Cali Swag District’s “Teach Me How to Dougie.”

One day on break in class we decided we’d teach one of the other students how to do some dance moves like the Jerk, along with the Cat Daddy and the Reject and the Dip and Crumping.  And then we taught the Dougie to the Career Services Department. She filmed it for the video and we laughed our guts out every time we watched it. And then she made me rap her “Teach Me How to Dougie” lyrics, which she revised to “Teach Me How to Study,”… into her phone… with my earbuds in to hear the beat of the song. It was one of the funniest moments ever, sitting in the computer lab, getting my white girl rap swag on. And then she told me I sounded like Lady Sovereign and had a legit rap career ahead of me. Ha ha!

I keep imagining she’ll walk through the door again with her hood on and her headphones in and her big smile asking me how I am. I absolutely love Brittney. She truly became my dear friend over the course of her time at Everest, and will always hold a special place in my heart as one of my favorite people. It feels like she’s gone way too soon, but I know she’s up in heaven radiating that same happiness and love she was famous for here, laughing and exchanging stories with everyone around her… and maybe even teaching them how to Dougie.