Jesus wept.

This weekend, I needed some things to happen — some spiritual things.

I won’t pretend I’m not struggling really hard right now… as are many people in the world.
I know there are many who have trials that are as insurmountable and consuming as mine.. there have to be, because we are all imperfect humans in an imperfect world, where we are sent to learn and grow through adversity and prove ourselves. And hard things happen to us; we are not that different, and nobody is immune.
But in my own little insignificant world, as one lowly person, things have never been this hard before.. as in.. literally everything is hard. And I was feeling it heavily this past week, hitting a low point.

But Heavenly Father loves his children. And Christ, my Savior, loves me too.

I heard just what I needed to hear this weekend.. answers to prayers, and reminders about what I seem to forget.

I attended the Relief Society General Broadcast at the Conference Center, and I’m pretty sure it was catered to me. As I listened, I felt like they were speaking based on my life and just letting everyone else listen to be nice. That sounds self-centered, but it truly struck a chord in my soul.

The words that were spoken about the Savior’s Atonement and the way he takes our burdens if we will give them to him.. if we will place everything in his hands, were like water to my thirsty spirit. These are principles I’ve always known, but somehow in the midst of huge trial… it doesn’t seem so easy to do.

But what really hit home, for me, were the words spoken about the love of our Savior. Especially the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus… about how much Jesus loved this family, and when he came to them after Lazarus had passed away, and saw and felt the sorrow of the sisters… he didn’t just bring down the power of God and fix it all right away..
first, he wept with them. He felt their pain and mourning to the point where he wept. And that tiny verse of scripture, “Jesus wept,” suddenly took on a new meaning in my life that I’ve never considered before. Like maybe the other night when I knelt down to him in mighty prayer… with a broken spirit and an overwhelmed heart and a sobbing voice… he wept with me too.

He’s not just an all-powerful perfect being… He is personally my loving elder brother. He’s my Savior because he truly loves me more than anyone else does. He saved me in a way nobody else could… because he loves me in a way nobody else could. That’s what his Atonement is.

I don’t know why it’s never clicked like that for me before.

And today in my church meetings, this quote was shared. It was perfectly profound for me.

“Consider, for example, the Savior’s benediction upon his disciples even as he moved toward the pain and agony of Gethsemane and Calvary. On that very night, the night of the greatest suffering the world has ever known or ever will know, he said, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. . . . Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).

I submit to you that may be one of the Savior’s commandments that is, even in the hearts of otherwise faithful Latter-day Saints, almost universally disobeyed; and yet I wonder whether our resistance to this invitation could be any more grievous to the Lord’s merciful heart. I can tell you this as a parent: As concerned as I would be if somewhere in their lives one of my children were seriously troubled or unhappy or disobedient, nevertheless I would be infinitely more devastated if I felt that at such a time that child could not trust me to help, or should feel his or her interest were unimportant to me or unsafe in my care. In that same spirit, I am convinced that none of us can appreciate how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when he finds that his people do not feel confident in his care or secure in his hands or trust in his commandments.”

-Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Come Unto Me,” March 1997

This is my goal in my current crazy mess of a life. I will trust that if I place it in God’s hands, it’s all gonna work out. It really is going to be ok.

And I just need to do my best… and then laugh my way through the rest.

So if you’re going through a hard time, maybe you can do the same.
And just so you know, you’re not the only one.

P.S. I seriously cannot wait for General Conference next weekend. My spirit is starving for more. Make sure you check it out.



the best news of post-wedding life so far.

hi friends.

this is a little video I created to show little snippets of videos my parents took of husband and me on our wedding day in Tonga.. plus photos.

enjoy some more wedding.


song: “Arrivals” by Aqualung.


also. so sue me, I changed my blog name again. I know, you guys..

but it turns out I didn’t like the other one so much. I’m in a transitional phase, ok?


here’s the awesome news you’ve been reading for..

which is part of the reason I wanted to wet your appetite with the wedding vid.

I got word from U.S. Immigration last night that the thing I’ve been waiting for since.. um.. last April, when I started a long-distance relationship with the man who would become my husband.. has happened.

well.. I guess it hasn’t COMPLETELY happened. but the first, hopefully most time-consuming, step in the process is over. MY PETITION HAS BEEN APPROVED. officially. and it only took just over 3 months instead of 5 months. basically, last night consisted of a lot of screaming, hyperventilating, pacing, frantically reading instructions and going through paperwork, yelling at the crappy phone and internet service in Tonga that messed up convos with husband, and staying up talking to him till 4am in happiness.

so now we are moving into the process of getting the paperwork ready for his immigrant visa application, and when they get back to us, then comes the interview in Fiji at the U.S. Consulate.. and then he COMES. TO THE UNITED STATES. TO LIVE WITH ME.

now.. Heaven help me in figuring out how to pay for all this and get ready for a life together here..
how to stretch my salary into extra money as the sole breadwinner, dealing with insurance from my car accident from this week, immigration application fees, paperwork times 5 million, proving our love/marriage to an interviewer, plane tickets, regular bills, finding a new apartment, paying for adult life, finishing training at my new job, transitioning to a new team at work, getting husband admitted to school, financial aid, and learning how to be an in-person wife, among other things..

anyway. enough about my my messy little life.. obviously with this happy news comes a new tidal wave of stress.. but when it’s all over, it will SO be worth it.

can 2012 be done already?

cuz in my world.. the Mayans have totally been right about this year. the Apocalypse of Aubrey 2012.

I’m over it.

next please!