The Freshness

Well hello dear friends. I have successfully maintained, yet again, my totally unreliable posting habits for another year. Guess I achieved my resolution. Jk. You’re welcome.

But as 2012 has drawn to a close, I can’t help but reflect.
I think this is happening with bloggers and humans (two different things) all over the globe as we speak.. so I’m cliche and it’s whatever. But I would be sad to look back if I didn’t at least document some of the feelings washing over me currently. So, I guess what I’m saying is.. deal with it.

I’ll sum up last year with: 2012 was really hard.

But now come the miracles. You know what I’ve been waiting for for the past 7-8 months. Well, we finally got our wish granted and got an immigration interview appointment for husband. Now we’re just hoping the immigration gods smile upon us and allow him to pass. If he does pass, he’ll be rolling into town on January 29th. (In case you need a recap.. that’s literally in 26 days.) We bought his ticket on faith in advance cuz it would be more than double the price to wait till last minute. We weren’t down for that.
So errbody pray for the consular officer on January 23rd in the Suva Fiji Consulate who is interviewing him.
There are 4 ideal outcomes here:
1. He/she loves Mote instantly and they are able to bond and establish trust while confirming the validity of our relationship and they approve him, give him his visa, and send him on through.
2. He/she pretty much doesn’t give a flying fart and just conducts a quickie 5-minute interview and gives him the visa.
3. He/she is having the BEST day and is in the most giving, happy chipper morning mood and just feels like Mote deserves a good deed and gives him a visa.
4. He/she comes to work drunk that day. Visas all around!

Anyway, regardless of what happens, we’ll be taken care of and we’ll make it.
I just can’t tell you how happy I am to be facing a new year with a new life ahead. The limbo period is finally drawing to a close and I feel like I can wrap up the world and put it in my pocket this year. Kind of.
So.. somewhere in that convoluted thought is the point that with Mote finally here and no more long distance marriage, I feel like I can take anything that comes at me and I’ll be okay.
It seems risky to say, but I almost feel like 2013 will be a payoff year for a long struggle of trying to have faith that it will all be okay.
Obviously it’s not going to be perfect.. but we’ll finally be together, so we’ll figure it out.

I just love the feeling of new beginnings all around this year. Everything feels fresh and surmountable.

I’m dubbing 2013 “The Freshness.”

Hello LIFE.

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the best news of post-wedding life so far.

hi friends.

this is a little video I created to show little snippets of videos my parents took of husband and me on our wedding day in Tonga.. plus photos.

enjoy some more wedding.

5.17.12

song: “Arrivals” by Aqualung.

 

also. so sue me, I changed my blog name again. I know, you guys..

but it turns out I didn’t like the other one so much. I’m in a transitional phase, ok?

BUT..

here’s the awesome news you’ve been reading for..

which is part of the reason I wanted to wet your appetite with the wedding vid.

I got word from U.S. Immigration last night that the thing I’ve been waiting for since.. um.. last April, when I started a long-distance relationship with the man who would become my husband.. has happened.

well.. I guess it hasn’t COMPLETELY happened. but the first, hopefully most time-consuming, step in the process is over. MY PETITION HAS BEEN APPROVED. officially. and it only took just over 3 months instead of 5 months. basically, last night consisted of a lot of screaming, hyperventilating, pacing, frantically reading instructions and going through paperwork, yelling at the crappy phone and internet service in Tonga that messed up convos with husband, and staying up talking to him till 4am in happiness.

so now we are moving into the process of getting the paperwork ready for his immigrant visa application, and when they get back to us, then comes the interview in Fiji at the U.S. Consulate.. and then he COMES. TO THE UNITED STATES. TO LIVE WITH ME.
THIS IS A BIG FREAKIN MIRACLE DEAL, YOU GUYS.

now.. Heaven help me in figuring out how to pay for all this and get ready for a life together here..
how to stretch my salary into extra money as the sole breadwinner, dealing with insurance from my car accident from this week, immigration application fees, paperwork times 5 million, proving our love/marriage to an interviewer, plane tickets, regular bills, finding a new apartment, paying for adult life, finishing training at my new job, transitioning to a new team at work, getting husband admitted to school, financial aid, and learning how to be an in-person wife, among other things..

anyway. enough about my my messy little life.. obviously with this happy news comes a new tidal wave of stress.. but when it’s all over, it will SO be worth it.

can 2012 be done already?

cuz in my world.. the Mayans have totally been right about this year. the Apocalypse of Aubrey 2012.

I’m over it.

next please!

kthanksbye!

xoxo

<3

I did this to my nails last night.

I thought it was creative.

but I sent this pic to husband and he didn’t get it. I had to explain it to him. and then he gave me a, “yes I’m proud of you, babe, good job on your nails,” but he was laughing.
pff. I think he had his nail haterade this morning.
please say somebody gets this besides me.. (hint: look for the shape in the middle of my 3 nails that are touching. toooooo easy.)

anyway. maybe someone in cyber world will appreciate my nail artistry. feast your eyes:

ok, I know.. not actually THAT impressive, but at least it’s cute, right?
and when I make the “rock on” sign.. people will feel extra special and loved.
so.. BAM. a rockstar AND a lover.

eat your heart out, um.. (who’s a good iconic female rocker to reference? Joan Jett? Hayley Williams?) let’s just say eat your heart out, rockstars.

love love.

Sincerely,

Aubrey

once upon an island wedding..

so hey guys. here it is.. finally..

the wedding post, as promised! (even if you guys don’t care, it’s for posterity. and me. and many, if not most of you, have already seen a bunch of the wedding photos on Facebook. there are more there than there are here, but here’s the backstory.)

ready.. steady.. go!

so as I’ve mentioned, husby is from Tonga.. and that’s where we had our wedding. on a little third world beautiful friendly tropical island in the South Pacific. it was nothing like I ever thought my wedding would be.. but it was wonderful, once it finally happened.

after an uber long flight and a fat layover in Fiji, where we toured the island but were so tired it barely sank in, the afternoon and night that we first arrived in Tonga were blissful.. I was reunited with mister, and could not have been happier. that night, after we’d taken my parents around for awhile and then dropped them at the hotel, he took me out to the shore and we sat on a rock wall and he had me pick a ring*. we talked about us and marriage and happiness and how strange it was to think that we were marrying “Elder Havea” and “Sister Wilkinson,” respectively, from the mission (the good old FTM) in a day or so. and then it started raining.. and we stood on the rock wall along the ocean and laughed and kissed, soaking wet, in the rain. it was a perfect night.

(*sidenote: the ring saga. since I’m basically using this blog post as a journal entry, and I’d like to look back and remember how it all went, I’ll include this part. the ring I’d been wearing throughout our engagement was a flat gold band with little diamonds set into the top that his sister-in-law had given me in New Zealand. Mote had ordered me a ring from New Zealand and his brother and sis-in-law were supposed to bring it with them when they came to the wedding in Tonga, but.. they ended up not coming. so.. Mote, being stressed, went to a local woman who makes jewelry to get me a pearl ring, and he had me pick out of 3 options. I ended up liking the pink one, which surprised me. but it’s gorgeous. and I wore that on the wedding day and for the majority of the time I was there, until it started to tarnish and turn my finger colors. we went back to the lady, because the ring was way too big anyway, to see if there were any other options for settings. she said the pearl is real but I should get a real metal setting that fits when I went back to the U.S.. but then she suggested that we get a whale bone ring with a pearl set on top from her, because it was much more durable. we said we’d give it a shot and she made one for us within a few days, right before I left, and we ended up really liking it. it has a super cool look and everybody loves it because of its uniqueness.. but just two nights ago, I was cleaning and putting away laundry, and then realized..
my pearl had fallen out of the ring.
I was obviously super upset.
my ring life was over, which is one of the few connections I have right now to husband that make it seem real.. since we’re living apart.
but later that night I felt like I should look on my closet floor, so I pulled out the shoe rack and parted the sea of clothes.. bam.
there was the pearl.
I’m not wearing the ring now because it’s pearl-less, and I want to take it into a jeweler and get it set in real metal on the whale bone, rather than glued in something cheaper. so at this point.. I’m half wearing the other tarnished metal pearl ring that’s way too big, and half not wearing a ring. and it’s been a big dumb mess. so there’s the saga of the ring. all you ladies who had easy peasy lemon squeezy times with getting the ring of their dreams in fancy proposals by their hubbies should now count themselves luckier. please and thank you.. because nothing about my wedding gets to be easy. end sidenote/saga.)

SO. in case you haven’t had enough drama yet.. and you’re getting bored.. here you go.
the day before the wedding.. we had basically the most stressful day of our lives. we’d had somebody go check for us prior to the trip exactly what we’d need to do to get married in Tonga with me being a non-citizen of the country, we thought we were good to go, but apparently they didn’t check with immigration. so we found out we were supposed to have had one of us living in Tonga for at least 6 months prior to the wedding, (he was living in NZ, I was in the U.S.. none of those initials spell Tonga) and have completed all sorts of applications and gotten approval from the supreme court of Tonga, etc. and that the process would all take about 2 weeks to process through immigration.

TWO WEEKS.

let me remind you.. this was
the. day. before. our. wedding.

can we say meltdown material?

(fortunately, Mote, although stressed to the gills, with all the pressure on high, handled everything amazingly. he was very calm and collected and impressed my parents very much with his composure in a super tough situation. because of everyone’s calm and practical positivity, we were all able to hold ourselves together fairly well. my only brief meltdown was sitting in the waiting room at the temple, as we waited to discuss our predicament with the temple president (our sealer) and tentatively cancel our appointment, crying into Mote’s shoulder for a few minutes.)

anyway, upon finding all this out, we went driving to get my parents, and then happened to stumble upon a lawyer’s office, which are not common on the island. divine intervention? you bet. so we hired said lawyer, who typed up all the documents for us, and his assistant went personally with us to the supreme court and the immigration office and the marriage registration office and the temple.. back and forth.. all. day. she was great. and my sister wired us more money from America for this unplanned surprise.. yet we still didn’t know that night if everything was going to be approved by the next day. our wedding was up in the air.

do you see how miserable we look here? this was at the wedding registry government office. or whatever it’s called. we look like we’re about to be ushered in to a funeral. my dad sneaked this picture, apparently.

so I went to bed that night at the hotel with my parents, hoping.. but not sure.. riding on pure faith. everyone in Mote’s family and circle of acquaintance who is employed with the Tongan government was pulling every string they could reach, and we would see what the morning brought.

and the next morning, Mote called the hotel and told us..

IT WAS ON!

relieved and happy, we busied ourselves with preparations.. getting ready for my wedding was not super easy, given that I was in a third world country.. and our hotel room didn’t even have a mirror.. nor a private bathroom.. and my straightener didn’t work with the converter/adapter.. (haha, and to think I debated in my mind as a teenager as to whether I would get professional hair and makeup done on my wedding day.)
but we borrowed a mirror from the lobby and a straightener from Mote’s sister and I managed.

it turned out ok, I think.

I started out in what I call my “civil wedding dress,” because in Tonga you have to get married by the government first and then have it ratified by a church in order for it to be considered complete and legal.. so in the case of the Latter Day Saint temple marriage, you go get married at the government office first, and then go get sealed either that day or the next.

we did it the same day. I wore a knee-length lace dress that my sister and I modified with a silk plum-colored extension at the bottom to make it more modest.

and then the aunties arrived to dress us in our ta’ovalas.. the traditional Tongan wrap.. and leis to wear for the ceremony.

we felt like tamales… especially Mote. his was huge. but it was super fun to have all these Tongan women surrounding me dressing me in their traditional clothes. I felt like I was in a movie or a dream. and.. gorgeous. my mother-in-law made the beading on top that I wore. it was beautiful.

we were then driven to the office where we’d be married by the government. we waited for awhile out front and then inside. only my parents and Mote’s aunty, Ngalu, were allowed in to the back office with us. it was supposed to be only one person, but Ngalu likes to get her way. haha. she is like Mote’s second mother and she is a SASSY pants.. so hilarious. loved her. anyway.

our governmental marriage ceremony was very short and sweet. the guy on the other side of the desk had us each hold a corner of the Bible, and repeat after him, Mote in Tongan and me in English, swearing to our marriage, and then we each had to kiss the Bible and sign the paperwork.. and that was it!


we emerged from the back office in a whirlwind.. and lots of smiles and comments and laughter from Mote’s loved ones. I understood none of the comments, but apparently they were pretty hilarious. although I do know that while we were waiting to be taken back, they made several jokes about my dad still being young and that he could take on multiple wives. haha. my mom just laughed. go Dad.. you Tongan lady killer.

so then, we drove straight to the temple to be sealed. as we were walking in I was introduced to the huge bouquet and lei Ngalu had made for me from flowers in her yard. she was so sweet to do that for me.. I didn’t even know how to hold so many flowers/foliage! the yellow flowers were especially really cool.

we got out of our ta’ovalas in the temple waiting room and then they took us into an interview room to meet with a temple worker briefly before the ceremony. then they took us each back to our respective bride and groom rooms to change. because of the sacredness of the ceremonies and ordinances that happen in the temple, I can’t go into detail here, but as I mentioned, our sealer was the temple president, President Hopoate. what a wonderful, sweet man. we could not have asked for a better person to seal us for time and all eternity. the spirit in those rooms was so strong it overwhelmed us. we knew that Heavenly Father had given us the miracles that had brought us to this moment, not just the day before, but over the course of our entire relationship, and me being in Tonga with my parents at all, and that this was a good thing… this was right. I don’t remember ever being so purely happy as I was kneeling across the altar from my eternal companion. I can’t even express how grateful I am that we kept ourselves worthy to be sealed by Priesthood authority in the house of the Lord. there is nothing that can compare to it. it was truly celestial.

after the sealing ceremony, we exchanged rings and hugs with family and friends.. and then went back to change into our American-style wedding clothes.

princess time!!!

I love my dress. it makes me feel more beautiful than anything I’ve ever worn. I touched up hair and makeup while mom did up a row of a bazillion buttons down my back with a crochet hook.. and I think I was even ready before Mote was. the sweet ladies in the temple kept ooh-ing and ah-ing over me as I walked out to meet him.. the beauty of getting married in a small temple outside of Utah, is that you get to be the only wedding that day.. so you don’t have to compete with others for photos or attention. it was like star treatment. but we got so caught up in getting everything ready that we failed to collect my civil wedding dress from the closet in the bride’s room. that turned out to be a problem later that night, as that was what I had planned to wear to the dance. so I had to default to a coral H&M number, but that’s fine.. and that’s later.

stop distracting me.

so we walked out of the temple to cheers and clapping and I pumped our fists in the air as we held hands, because I’m awesome.. and everyone laughed.. and we couldn’t stop smiling. it was basically pure, unadulterated happiness.

and then everyone wanted photos with us, especially the palangi and her pretty dress.. which was fine. we felt like movie stars with our paparazzi and fans.

and then, since photography is not exactly a booming business in Tonga, my dad was our photog and we did temple grounds pictures. (this was one of the hardest parts for me to swallow, and again.. not how I planned my wedding my whole life. photos were basically the only thing I really cared about for my wedding.. so the deal I made with Mote when I agreed to do the wedding in Tonga was that we’ll get professional photos done when he gets to the states, because we couldn’t even get engagement pics, let alone wedding photography. some of you know that I do photography on the side. it’s a big deal to me.. so I had trained my dad somewhat on my new camera prior to the trip and printed him a list of thumbnail versions of all the photos I wanted, so Mom helped check off the list and fix details while Dad took pics. he did an awesome job. and thank the heavens for my Photoshop skills! annnnd, glory be, I ended up loving my wedding photos! I recommend everybody make a list of the photos they want on their wedding day, it will help out even a professional photographer a great deal, and you’ll get the shots you wanted.)

whoa. tangent. back on track!!

so after the temple photos, Mote surprised me by taking us to what are called the blowholes for some photos. one of my favorite shots of the whole day comes from this spot. we stood on a huge cliff as the waves crashed below us, spraying water like a geyser to astronomical heights above us. this made my dress smell like seawater later, (don’t worry. my mom got it cleaned as soon as it got back to the states) and I frantically kept yelling to my dad to protect my camera from spray, but it was totally worth it. what an incredible view. this is why it’s cool to get married on a tropical island.

so then we were headed to our feast on ‘Otuhaka Beach with Mote’s close family and friends! or so we thought.

enter.. the awesome Tongan roads.

so… they have paved roads in Tonga.. sort of.. but many of the roads are so bad you end up feeling like you’re going off-roading just running to the shop in town, through potholes the size of small craters in the middle of the road. the poor cars.. and shocks..

so the construction workers had conveniently closed the only way to get to the beach we had reserved and paid for with a beautiful pavilion and tables.. and nobody could get there.

I think Ngalu could see the alarm on my face when I heard the news, because she told me to calm down and that we’d get there. we drove to the spot where the road was being closed by workers, and Ngalu talked to one of the workers who she sort of knew, bribed him with money, and then yelled at him to let everybody through to the beach, or she’d come back and kill him.
hahaha. I told you she was awesome.

so we made it to the beach, but because of the delay plus Tongan time, nothing was ready. we had plenty of time for beach pictures, though. it was absolutely gorgeous. I got a temple wedding and a beach feast.. best of both worlds, baby. I was in utter bliss at this point. I was married to my Tongan honey forever, I was on the beach, and nothing else was even gonna phase me.










so once the feast was ready, we opened with a prayer and sat down at the head table full of various Tongan dishes, complete with a roasted pig right in front of us, and coconuts with straws stuck in the holes to drink from. there were several great dishes, and I filled up fast. then Mote’s sweet dad got up and spoke to the group. he apologized for not being a member of the church, (Mote’s parents go to the Church of Tonga) and said how grateful he was for this day and the ward and my parents coming all the way from America to be here for the wedding. he said he was so grateful to finally have a palangi daughter (haha. p.s. palangi means white) and he doesn’t know why I want Mote, but he is sure glad I do. ha. Mote translated his speech for me as he went, and it was very sweet. then they had my dad speak. Ngalu translated for him. he mostly talked about how grateful he was for the hospitality we had been shown and the love and warmth, etc. but Ngalu spiced it up and gave it all her own extra flavor. she started out by saying that the palangi was scared to be up talking to all these Tongans, and the laughter continued from there. and at the end and said, “and thank you to me for being a great translator, and you can take me back to America with you.” haha.
too many awesome “take me to America” jokes were bouncing around. it was highly entertaining. Tongans are crack-ups.


then it was time to cut the cake. Mote had brought this cake all the way from New Zealand, because it was a couple hundred dollars cheaper over there. this was all him.. it was two-tiered, and he had the bakery print our favorite picture of us together on the cake in fondent with “Congratulations Mote & Aubrey” beneath it. it was very sweet and nice. unfortunately we didn’t get a great photo of it.. but this was how it looked.

anyway, we cut the cake and he was very nice when he fed me a bite, and of course I shoved it in his face/up his nose a little. he was totally unprepared. everybody thought it was hilarious. but I kissed it off, so it was fine.

then they sang a hymn and closed with a prayer.

oh.. but lest ye think this day was long enough already… we were not done yet, boys and girls. it was time for the dance that the ward threw for us in celebration.

we went back to the hotel to change, and Mote went home to change as well, and that’s when we realized we’d left my other dress at the temple, so I went to the plan B dress.

Mote came back around and picked us up again and we went to the church. they had basically made a throne with ta’ovalas and mats on chairs for us and my parents, and it was very cool to feel like the queen of the ball. we danced the night away. Polynesian dances are so much more fun than white dances.. everybody actually dances, and likes it. we kept having to participate in unexpected Tongan traditions that Mote hadn’t warned me about, like having to do a dance where we walk around the room essentially gathering the people behind us in line, and leading them all in a big long line, and then splitting off, me leading the women, him leading the men, and meeting in the middle, and then splitting off in various ways, making our lines longer and longer. it was slightly confusing, but very fun. I was basically like, “uh… I don’t know how to do this.” haha.

(we forgot the camera at the dance.. so all the pictures are crappy cell phone pics. sorry ’bout it.)



and then they had us come stand at the head of the room and played songs while people came up and kissed us and put leis on us… about 20 (or 200) pounds worth of leis each. they were mostly candy leis in Saran Wrap, but a couple of flower ones as well. then we had to slow dance with leis all over us.. to “Love Can Build a Bridge.” it was very romantic and heavy. literally.




we went back and sat on our thrones and shared the wealth of the candy leis with everyone.. and various people would ask us to come dance with them throughout the night. in Tonga, when you ask someone to dance, you just stand in front of them and bow. I think if we did that in America it would really lower the rejection rate. let’s pick up the tradition, guys.

and then we had some dance performances of traditional Tongan dances by young ladies in the ward, like the tau’olunga, which is the Tongan money dance that, traditionally, the bride does.. but since I’m not Tongan and had no teacher to help me learn to interpret a Tongan song with Tongan dance moves… one of the ysa’s in the ward did it. she was wrapped in a traditional tongan outfit and oiled up all over so people could come stick money to her skin. it was very cool.

I think I need to learn how so people can come give me money by sticking it all over me, and have it be totally non-sleazy and beautiful like that. that would be fine.

anyway, we dropped my parents at their hotel, and then drove back to ‘Otuhaka Beach, where we stayed for about 5 days on our honeymoon before we went to stay at his parents’ house for the remainder of my trip.

and there you have it.. the perfectly imperfect best day of my life.. where I ended up hitched to the man who’s imperfectly perfect for me.

did I mention I love this guy?

goodbye solteria

well.. it looks like the last time I posted about the biggest event of my life.. it was 39 days away. now.. it’s 3 days away.

yep.

3 days till I’m Mrs. Havea. and it’s hitting me hard. and my head has just exploded onto the wall behind me.

sick.

just kidding. everything about my head is still intact. except for the fact that I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience and I can’t believe I leave to go to TONGA tomorrow to go get married to a guy I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with for over a year.. with whom I served a mission, but barely knew at the time, and never imagined would end up being my husband.. ever.

WHO AM I?

this is seriously surreal. and you guys..

I could not be more excited!! and more.. every possible emotion all at the same time!

I just wanted to do one last post as a single woman.. and when I return, I’ll do my best to give a juicy marriage update full of Tonga details and photos. mmkay? I have promised that to so many people that I feel pretty hugely obligated.

anyway, I love him. a lot.

he’s perfect for me.. in our imperfect way. and my favorite part about this whole thing.. is how excited he is. it’s seriously the cutest, happiest, most wonderful thing that’s ever happened in my life. I’ve waited a long time for him..

and I truly have no idea how this wedding is really gonna go down, but I get to be married to Mote, so it’s gonna be okay.

so.

I’m gonna go to sleep now, so I can wake up and church it up, celebrate my AMAZING mom (seriously.. what would I do without her? she is flying across the world w/me tomorrow to happily support me marrying a man she has never met.. mom of the year), talk to my Isaac brother (who gets home from missionary-ing in Brazil in 3 weeks!!!!) and then get on a plane and fly across the ocean to see my other half.

I’ll catch you guys on the flip side of single!

(that’s the married side, right? ..k.)

ofa

it was 13 days after V-day.. but a package finally arrived from New Zealand today. with my Valentine’s gift from M. and it made me smile through my whole body.. the way a junior high girl does when her crush talks to her.

I’m silly like that.

sue me for being a romantic..

but the card turned me into a puddle.

he did well. here’s the front of it. the message he **wrote inside was the best part.. but that’s just for me.

 

I know.

take a moment and sigh wistfully…

and he got me a beautiful Tongan necklace with matching earrings and a photo album.

he’s cute.

 

so, moving to the next item..

I figured I would intro my news with something romantic to get you in the mood.

ready?

okay.

it’s official. my ticket is booked and I am going here in 2.5 months..

yes. those are the beaches and palms and crystal blue waters of Nuku’Alofa Tonga.. where M is from. why am I going there, you ask?

oh you know…

to get married. 

May 18th is the day.

and here’s the deal.. in the LDS church handbook, one of the stipulations that allows couples to be sealed in the temple less than a year from their wedding date is when the country they are marrying in does not recognize temple marriage as legal. that is the case in Tonga, and you have to be married civilly first and THEN get sealed. so I talked to my bishop, and (especially since Mote’s family aren’t members, aside from his youngest brother who is on a mission in SLC) he said the point of the rule is not to dilute the sacredness of the temple sealing, but since we have to be married civilly first anyway, it’s not different to be sealed there vs being sealed here with all of my family present in the temple with us. (so his family can participate in the part they care about and mine can be there for the part that’s important to them)

so this is my convoluted way of telling you that we are going to be married on the beach in Tonga on May 18th, and then we will be sealed here when he comes to the states in the fall once his green card paperwork processes.

YAY!!!

but you guys… do you realize what this means??

I’m going to be a WIFE in 2.5 months.. Mrs. Havea.

whoa.

after all these disasters.. after all of these obstacles… it’s finally set, and it’s finally happening.

and we will appreciate each other so much more after the struggle and effort we’ve had to put forth to stay together and make this work. it’s been just a month shy of a year of across-the-world dating.. and I’m ready to not be across-the-world anymore.

now.. after all this happy news, there is some sucky ace stickiness.. a new hurdle that’s been placed in my path.. (because just when I think we’ve figured it out, something else hits us in between the eyeballs and laughs at us. we can’t catch a break.)

as of last week, with notice of only a few hours, I lost my source of income. I still technically have a job teaching college, and I tutor English a couple of hours a week; but due to low enrollment in the billing and coding program, I don’t have a class to teach this module. this presents a grave problem when you are attempting to pay your bills AND save up for an international wedding while somehow being able to support your husband when he moves across the world to you. and normally I would be ok to search for a job like a typical person.. except I’m mid-semester, which means my schedule is slightly weird, and I also am leaving to Tonga for 3 weeks in May. that’s always a fun thing to have to tell a brand new employer.. “oh by the way, I know you just hired me, but I’m just gonna head out of the country for 3 weeks, aight? cool. deuces!”

so let’s just say there have been many tears and hours of lost sleep trying to figure out what to do. I’m trying to have blind faith that the Lord will provide, but it’s reallllly tough to understand the timing of this one. and to top it off, he’s not working this week either, until his company gets another job.. so we’re both awesomely unemployed at the mo. my faith has had to be tested over and over again over the past few months, so it must have needed some heavy strengthening. I’m not sure what will happen, but I hope I can find a solution soon. and of course church this past Sunday was all about fear vs faith. I need to hand my fears over to the Lord and have faith that my efforts will be rewarded with blessings. (not a strong suit for my independent personality)

one bright spot in all this, though, has been the support and love and help of friends and family.

I am so blessed for the people I have in my life. they are proof that Heavenly Father must love me a whole lot.

woo!

okay. this post turned into something much more complicated and detailed and overshare-y than I intended it to be. apologies, friends!

but thanks for making it this far if you stayed with me.

the bottom line is.. I am so excited that I finally get to marry my best friend. 🙂

cuz it’s about freakin time!

 

** sidenote: I observed tonight that his handwriting is just as good as (and very similar to) mine. and I pride myself on my handwriting skillzz. meant to be?

“For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.”

so… the last time we spoke, life was good. or so I thought..

but it’s funny how, just when you think things are going right, they have a way of flipping upside down on you. completely. like boom, bye bye.

in a period of about 3 weeks, the following happened:

  • my wedding has been postponed indefinitely due to personal family things that won’t be shared here
  • as a result, you can imagine the hellish strain/stress it has put on my relationship with my fiance and both of us individually.. again, too personal to elaborate here
  • my place of employment decided they are closing the program that I’ve been teaching for the past couple of years and switching me over to another program, thereby switching my schedule
  • because my schedule was changed, it made it impossible for me to continue going to school according to the schedule I had planned
  • as a result, I had to drop all of my classes and try to scrounge up a couple of last-minute evening classes so I could continue school at all
  • and to top it all off, my car got hit the in the parking lot at work, which started out as a hit-and-run, but thanks to a witness, we were able to track down the driver (now whether or not I can get the insurance to call me back about the claim is another question)

so.. maybe you can understand why my heart has been heavy as of late. I am suddenly left with nothing stable in my life to hold onto except family and friends.

(although, M has asked me to make a trip to Tonga in the spring to spend time with his family, so that would be a little bright spot in everything, if it works.)

but the only explanation I can imagine for all of this is that the Lord has a different plan for me than I had.. and his timing is not mine. honestly, at this point, I have no idea what is going to happen or how things are going to work out.. and I don’t know why my entire world has been yanked out from under me.

the feeling I keep getting when praying for peace and answers is that I just need to be patient, have faith, and wait on the Lord. that is easier said than done, but I have little to no control anyway, so I’ve come to the point of being okay with however this works out. (despite what I wish.)

never thought I’d wish I could just go back to the “simplicity” of just having problems with immigration laws and who to hire as a wedding photographer..

anyway, I just thought I should at least make some type of announcement that my wedding will no longer be happening on April 5th.. and if it does happen, it most likely won’t be happening in New Zealand after all.

we’ll see how this goes.. prayers and positive vibes appreciated.

and while I greatly appreciate the outpouring of love and support, I don’t really want to talk about all the little gory details of our private struggles with everyone, and having to hash through all of it over and over with different people’s opinions doesn’t help me. love in the form of distractions is much better. 

(also, maybe it was a bad idea to watch 2 hours of “Say Yes to the Dress” till it brought me to tears tonight? haha. I’m… super pathetic. don’t judge!)

here’s a quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that is striking a chord with me tonight:

“Fighting through darkness and despair and pleading for the light is what opened this dispensation. It is what keeps it going, and it is what will keep you going…

I acknowledge the reality of opposition and adversity, but I bear witness of the God of glory, of the redeeming Son of God, of light and hope and a bright future. I promise you that God lives and loves you, each one of you, and that He has set bounds and limits to the opposing powers of darkness. I testify that Jesus is the Christ, the victor over death and hell and the fallen one who schemes there. The gospel of Jesus Christ is true, and it has been restored.

‘Fear ye not.’ And when the second and third and fourth blows come, ‘fear ye not. … The Lord shall fight for you.’ 16 Cast not away therefore your confidence.”

loves. ❤