back to life.. back to reality..

hello dear friends.

not that I wanna give excuses for so severely pushing the blog to the back burner… but…

holy cow. life be CRAZY up in this piece, homies.

in case anybody missed the memo…. since I… actually haven’t posted it on the blog, so unless you know me in real life, you would have missed it…. I’m HOME! I said goodbye to Texas a week ago and Utah has opened its non-humid arms to welcome me in, and then swallowed me whole.

and I mean that in the most literal sense, because I haven’t even had time to unpack until today. I only finished doing that like.. 1.5 hours ago. can I get a HALLELUJAH for no more suitcase living?!

…………………………*crickets*………………………………………………………………………………

FINE you guyz.. I’ll do it myself. HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!

geez.

haters.
so to summarize things,

I packed up, cleaned, got my Volvo fixed only just in time (after nearly the whole FREAKING summer. F that noise.), said goodbye to my Del Sol friends 😦

and to this:


and drove. (Texas, outside of the cities, was ug. especially West Texas. no pics were taken.)

after most of the day, we made it across Texas to El Paso, almost got STUCK in El Paso because Lisa’s car was upset about driving too fast, so after much anxiety-ridden deliberation and inspection at Firestone, we drove slower and made it to Albuquerque, stayed the night in the most comfortable hotel beds ever, and drove.

and drove.

made pit stops, complete with bathroom stall reading:

what’s better than a rose on your piano?
tulips on my organ.

………….

ahem.

and drove.

and then New Mexico started getting real pretty. and I started loving the scenery.

but then I remembered that I had been driving for TWO DAYS straight and that my book on CD (“The Color Purple” -weird/sad/raw/interesting/gross/good) was long over and that I wanted to kill myself.


and I drove.

until finally…

so what did I do?

I drove some more.

I mean seriously guyz, I swear was suffering like a freaking pioneer by myself in that air-conditioned luxury sedan with all of my many possessions jammed in all around me eating treats and drinking Coke Zero. skraight up torture.

anyway, you get my point. I finally made it. went straight to Gram’s for a little family partying, and then home at last. but I started work the next day and school on Wednesday, so pretty much I don’t know what I was thinking doing that to myself, because by the time Friday rolled around I was so dead that I probably looked like a zombie.

but don’t get me wrong… the busyness is not all just from suck. it’s from fun stuff too. like hangin with fam, seeing friends, going to a concert, watching Jersey Shore (ha), going to Ute Fan Fest 2011 and meeting the football players.. my life is not bad, guyz.

now somebody help me not feel overwhelmed when I think about school and work equaling 12 hours gone M-F.

but probably the most exciting part of my life?

40. days.

that’s how many until I go to freaking NEW ZEALAND, to see my love.

yep.

and I have never been more excited/anxious for anything in my life.

🙂

okay so…. now it’s somehow 1:15am? what? I’m going to freaking sleep.

goodnight boys and girls.

I love you.

xoxo

“I’m a legend, they call me the cautionary whale.”

so it’s been a minute. again. I have just accepted the fact that it will be internet years between blog posts and moved on. I’m sure you’ve done the same.

today’s post was actually spurred by me looking through my phone and realizing I have about 30 photos of Texas life that I would like to post instead of writing a novel. mmmkay?

aight cool. blink a few times and get your eyes warmed up for this. here we go.

first: the capital of Texas and my favorite city thus far, Austin.

the old school drinking fountain on the grounds. and Lisa using it.
 the reason we came to Austin, to chill with Christina at a ginormous house with incredible grounds and eat J Dawgs and fail to bring swimsuits. and it so happened that Christina and I dressed alike. cut-offs and neon yellow are hot right now. plus she and I apparently live parallel lives. we’ll even both be in New Zealand in October, only missing each other by 2 days. you can’t make this stuff up. love this girl.
also in Austin we went to a cupcake van called “Hey Cupcake!” and loved it,
got shaved ice, shopped at an outdoor market randomly chillin on the street, saw the “Hi how are you?” frog from the movie “Whip It.” oh and I saw two guys from my mission who, independently of each other, came to this giant YSA activity that we were attending. and then we saw the most recent X-Men movie, which was wicked awesome, as expected.
my view from the backseat as we road-tripped:
and Lisa and yours truly at the gorgeous huge house. you can’t tell here, but our feet are in the pool.
ok. moving on from Austin. (I lingered there because it was my fave.)

we have.. Corpus Christi. actually technically not Corpus. more like Padre Island.. where we like to go chill at Whitecap Beach. and this is how happy it makes us:
and it also makes us relaxed:
 and we love our lives at the beach. especially when we eat at Padre Island Burger Company… where I had the best burger I’ve ever had in my life.. called “The Hangover.” go eat it.

and speaking of eating.. San Antonio has the most delicious food. apparently it’s the fattest city in the U.S. awesome. so we’re gonna talk about that for a second.
Exhibit A: Chuy’s (where Natalie INSISTED I go to try a Chuychanga with Boom Boom Sauce because she’s obsessed. turns out I hate Boom Boom Sauce cuz it’s almost straight cheese. however.. I  am absolutely in a relationship with their jalapeno ranch. ummmm wow. and know what else I am in love with? their tres leches. get in my belly.)
 Exhibit B: Panera Bread. which, I have to say, is my all-time fave restaurant, dating back to my Florida days. I always made my poor companions go there as much as possible on the mish. and when I say poor, I mean lucky. when will you come to Utah, Panera Bread? when? (anybody who says Paradise Bakery is the same is a BIG FAT LIAR.)
 Exhibit C: Mi Tierra (or, as I like to call it, the assault on the eyes.)
you see what I mean. it is apparently a very famous Mexican Restaurant, attracting even the likes of Bill Clinton when he shows his face in San Anton. I had mole poblano. (if I’m being honest, Red Iguana in SLC is better for mole poblano.)
however, the ribs my manager, Anne, got were heavenly. we even got a personal serenade from a mariachi duo on guitars. and we ate some treats from their panaderia (bakery for those less educated in espanish).
Exhibit D: Dick’s Last Resort (not exclusive to San Antonio, but still always good time.) I refuse to actually type out what it says on my hat in this photo, nor go into further detail about how I was pwned all night, because you can always trust Dick’s to be inappropriate. but let’s just say Lisa and I laughed our guts out.)
man. that photo was huge. I hope your computer didn’t get overwhelmed.
Exhibit E: Whataburger. but I have no photo. but oh man… that ish is DELISH. way better than In-n-Out. yeah I said it.

ok. let’s see. what else… oh,

the pool. I know I already discussed it, but here’s Lisa modeling our 6″ section of water that has become our favorite layout spot.. and lookin hot.

and maybe one of my favorite things so far about San Antonio is a little something called First Friday, which is where a couple of blocks get turned into an artsy street market and vendors set up booths for jewelry and art and henna and feather extensions and trinkets and art galleries open and food establishments fill up, and basically… it’s totally my scene. so here’s a little collage of this past weekend for you:
annnnnd the hyper photo sesh that happened when we got home. and we looked like hippies.
…..it’s probably only funny to me, but whatev.
and my bomb wicked sweet awesome earrings I got from my first First Friday (say that 5 times fast.) I’m in lurrrrve with them.

next up we have adventures at Del Sol. (some of us may or may not call it Del Hole from time to time. but that is uncomfirmed.)
these are a few of the UV lamps we stare into and use all the day long to show off our color-changing products that are probably burning our retinas or something. AND spreading joy and happiness and smiles.
and this is Lisa and Melissa.. like…. STOKED to be at work.

and then after we do that, we like to go down the street to hang with our homeboys at the Guinness World Records Museum and the Haunted Adventure and Tomb Rider 3D. actually… that only happened one time.
Tallest man in the world:
 Fattest man in the world:
and me being officially deemed as: SEXY. beetches.
…another HUGE photo. I know.

and. speaking of work. across the street from work is the Alamo. yes. so… there’s a plaza in front of it, right? and things happen there. like err-day. weird. things. and I’m not just saying that. they are legit weird.
FOR EXAMPLE:
one time… there was a random group of people. some were dressed as slaves with chains around their necks and/or inmates in orange jumpsuits. they were carrying a giant statue of a woman (maybe Mary?) with the Alamo coming out of her feet, like you would carry a coffin. except… she was upside down. and they hung an Alamo pinata in front of the Alamo.
 and then… a parade of dropped vehicles rolled by… on hydraulics. what?
but that is not all, my friends. oh no. as I left work I walked by the gazebo only to see these slaves and/or inmates standing on either side of this woman with Alamo feet SPINNING her head over heels… over and over again. observe:
 BUT… as if that wasn’t weird enough. there was a man standing up on the stone wall THROWING ROSE PETALS at the statue as they spun it.
AND!
there was a woman chanting/yodeling at the top of her lungs while a band accompanied her as the soundtrack for the occasion.
………………………………..
don’t pretend like you can top that for weirdness.
you can’t.
stuff like that happens everyday, kids.

anyway. wanna know what else was super duper fun? and that is serious. it was really super duper fun. Six Flags. we walked on EVERY ride and we loved our lives. perfect day.
except sometimes their coasters are only for skinny people, apparently. and they weed out the fatties with their skinny ace ramps that last for like 3 stories of a building.

wanna see some other beautiful San Antonio things?
of course you do.

The San Antonio LDS Temple:
sky.
yeah. I live across the street from the Tower of the Americas. and the Alamodome. what?
River Walk
sweet building

and finally… since my car is still rocking a cracked oil pan…..

my new ride:

peace, love, and green lamborghini grease to all of you, my friends.

oh. wait, wait, wait.

I have to not stop yet. because, despite how it may look in all of these awesome photos you just went through,

Texas sucks.

why?

because this was the LAMEST 4th of July of my life. not only did I work all day, but Texas is in the drought of the century and they decided to BAN ANY AND ALL FIREWORKS.
first time ever in my life that I’ve spent the 4th of July sitting in my apartment, watching a weird movie.

and I hated it.
but I still love America.
…..kthanks.

letters

I need to say some things to some people that I can’t actually say to them in real life. please bear with me while I use my blog as a nameless release into the interweb for a minute. things are about to get real personal.

Dear Ex-Best Guy Friend,

Today I found out you are married. This hurts me for two reasons: 1. I had to find out by Facebook stalking after you deleted me, and not even from you. 2. You know how I feel about your significant other and the rashness of your decisions regarding her. She does not make you your best self — she has been the cause of all of your worst decisions.
We used to be best friends and you cut me out of your life without notice and without a word of goodbye.. a magic disappearing act that has stung more than you’ll ever know. Today I missed you more than usual when I said, “pics or it didn’t happen,” to someone.  I almost texted you, and then I remembered, and I wished things were different. I know you are trying to do the right thing, but I guess you have helped reaffirm the last thing I said to you in our last conversation — the thing that perturbed you and turns out to be true. How ironically self-fulfilling life turns out to be.

Miss you — the guy that wrote me a 6-page illustrated goodbye letter 4 years ago.. and who sent me daily pictures of all his gourmet meals.. and taught me about noods.. and listened and cared better than anyone else about the little things that made up my day.. and who made me laugh harder than anyone.

Love always,
Aubrey

Dear Douche Nozzle,

It’s now been a week since we’ve spoken. The last thing you said to me was, “I don’t care if we talk or not, Aubrey.” So we aren’t.. and we won’t be. I was THIS close to writing you back a response so sarcastic it would have singed your eyebrows, but I decided to be the bigger person and I left it there. I don’t know if you saw me today when I got gas and didn’t go in, but if you did, I hope that solidified my resolve from your point of view. It blows my mind that someone could be so insensitive and selfish as you have been. I still don’t understand why you tried so hard to incorporate me into your life and make me your friend after such a frustrating beginning. I liked you. A lot. I fit the lyric, “my memory is cruel, I’m queen of attention to details, defending intentions if he fails,” perfectly. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and second and third and sixth chances. Ultimately, your flakiness and disregard spoke louder than all your words ever did. Everyone else in my life could see it clearly all along, while I knew it in my head, but didn’t want it to be true.
The irony of you saying I acted like a little girl is completely lost on you.. because you and your friends are some of the most immature I have ever met.. (and I served a mission surrounded by 19 year-old guys.)
Sometimes it’s hard for me to cut people out of my life.. but you finally pushed it to the point of easy. Now tell me.. does it bother you that your best friend texts me like it’s going out of style?

Oh so sincerely,
Aubrey

Dear Latin Lover,

If anyone has ever fit the description “love at first sight” for me, it would probably be you. I remember the moment I first saw you, I felt like I needed someone to assist me in removing my jaw from the floor and putting it back in my face before my condition became permanent. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. It’s now been about 3.5 years since that moment.. and after great years of friendship.. something has changed for me, and I have to tell you: I think I love you as more than a friend.
There, I said it.
I love your charm and your wit and your intelligence and the way you care about me. I love your family. I love your testimony and your strength as the only member of the church. I love your sense of humor and your adorable little accent. I love the way you make me feel when I’m with you. I love that I’m proud to introduce you to anybody I know and be confident that they’ll like you. I love the way you randomly call me when I need it the most and listen to me sob into the phone.. or the way you call me when you’re down because you know I’ll cheer you up. I love it when you ask me to sing medleys for you. I love when you speak to me in Spanish. I love dancing with you. I love the way we are together.
But despite all this, you confuse me. Whenever we’re together you act like we’re together… there is no semblance of personal space and everyone thinks we’re dating.. yet nothing ever happens. Last time I saw you I was almost sure you were gonna kiss me, but you held me so close for so long and then walked out the door, looking back at me and smiling your big perfect smile at me as you walked down my front steps. I closed the door and melted into a puddle of happiness and wishes and frustration.
I know you could have any girl you want, and that intimidates me.. yet you don’t seem to do much about it except be pursued without actually turning anything into a legitimate relationship.
I don’t want to be heartbroken if you end up with somebody else and I spend my whole life wondering, “what if..?” But I’m scared. I’m scared to pour my heart out into a very breakable glass for you, and find out you’re not thirsty. I’m scared our current comfortable relationship could be different. I’m scared you will give me excuses. I’m scared because I don’t know how you feel.
Part of me wishes you’ll stumble across this and know it’s you and make a move, but I’m not holding my breath.
Tal vez un dia te lo dire..

Aubrey

dream cinema

my, my… how original…

how new and fresh…

a single twenty-something with degree and career and mission under belt,
changing old for new,
desperately reaching out for satisfaction’s hand
and finding exhaled ashes of ideal.
every step bringing surety of solidarity;
each person, a new reason to close.

half-drowned with repeats of shallow ponds
with sweet poisoned waters,
and no air in sight.
a total lack thereof looks ok after that,
because no breath is better than used heavy breaths.

swallowing the lump and smiling at everyone-
nobody wants extra weight.
can’t even trust a best friend to not abandon ship
without a word of goodbye.
numbed with little bruises
and too tired to think that exists anymore.

my first kiss went a little like this..

ok, ok. JK!
I’m not gonna talk about my first kiss. it was L to the AME and you would be bored. maybe.

but I AM gonna talk about how this weekend was a weekend of firsts. that Ke$ha/3OH!3 song was the first thing that came to my mind. (ha. there were a lot of amusing things about that sentence.)

anyway. Friday was not my favorite of days. I had gotten word on Thursday night that I had been chosen for an open position I’d applied for in the college where I would to be able to transfer to work with externs in the career services department. I was stoked because the career services peeps are my favorite, and also because my night work schedule is KILLING me. I feel totally isolated.. I never see my roommates, my family, any friends, miss all the ward activities, etc. it’s thrown me into a depression. so I was excited to have the position landed… only to have it ripped out of my hands on Friday morning. the president of the college said we may be going on a hiring freeze within the next month, and it will take a month to replace me. they can’t afford to lose the open externship position if they don’t get things worked out in time, so I am pretty much stuck. after mourning with the career services peeps, I went to talk to the president and… had an embarrassing breakdown in her office. she said she’d take the weekend to think about it and we’d talk Monday.
the point of this.. is Friday was not a good day for me. I was down. I felt punched in the gut/black-balled. life was unfair. I needed a distraction. I had no plans. since my roommates were both busy with their men, as usual, and I didn’t want to call the whole world only to be rejected by everybody and their plans, I decided to fulfill a lifelong bucket list goal and go to a movie all by myself for the first time ever.
(we’ll pretend the part where I cried on the phone to the point where I couldn’t talk in the gateway parking lot in my car when my dear friend, Abe, just “had a feeling” he should call me didn’t happen. but he was lovely about it.)
the consensus: I like alone movies. I saw “Morning Glory” and it was all about the heroin’s struggles through her career to fulfill her dreams, with some life mixed in. it was kind of exactly what I needed.
the cherry on the top was the group of Middle-Eastern guys that came in to the theater chanting a song-ish thing at FULL VOICE as I sat in my seat by myself with no other soul in sight before the movie started. I didn’t know what to do so I buried my face in my popcorn and Diet Coke and was glad that I spent that $9 (outrageous) for a minute till they sat in the back. it was awesome. and then.. don’t worry that they chanted their way OUT of the theater too. luckily.. other people came to the movie too, so I wasn’t all by my lonesome in the awkwardness.

Saturday rolled around with the promise of another first. I had been talked into accompanying my good friend, Fudge, from the mission, and his girlfriend to the SLC temple and then going to lunch afterward. my life as a third wheel is nothing new, but I didn’t want to feel too intruder-ish, so I opted to do an endowment session while they did baptisms. sadly, despite growing up in Utah, every time I have tried to go to the SLC temple.. my plan has been foiled. I had never been before Saturday. it was pretty amazing. there is no place in the world like the temple.. and I happened to be in a session full of multiple people receiving their endowment for the first time. I liked the people-watching as they and their families shared the happiness of the day.
then I waited an hour in the lobby while my friends finished, because apparently they were pretty late and then got stuck in the font for quite some time. so that was.. cool. and we went to Jason’s Deli. mm.

so.. I know those were only two firsts… but they have both been on my list for quite some time, and they just presented themselves as opportunities all in one weekend. there were, of course, other activities.. but they were not firsts. unless you count that it was the first time I had been to a house where I went to a party..

a stretch.

so anyway.. this is awkward.

good weekend.

cool story, Hansel. tell another.

why I hate guys.

maybe hate is a strong word, but sometimes that’s exactly how I feel. and unfortunately, in my experience, Mormon guys often seem to be the worst. they are inconsiderate and lazy and picky and flaky and all sorts of irritating. why is it that other guys treat me better and care more about me than they do? shouldn’t they have.. you know.. higher morals and stuff? (this is why I love the church for my testimony of the doctrine rather than all of the people in it.)

I will give you examples to support my theory. all of this happened just this past Saturday. we won’t even delve into past events.

exhibit a:

we will call him Tom. Tom and I made plans to go to dinner Saturday evening about 2 weeks ago, because we hadn’t seen each other in ages. Tom used to be pretty much smitten with me back in the day, and I returned the feelings. then something changed… to this day, I do not know what it was. but he no longer feels the way he used to, that much is apparent.
anyway, we make these plans 2 weeks ago… Thursday, we confirm them again. so this afternoon I say, “Tom, what am I doing tonight?”
he says, “I don’t know if I can go anymore because one of my friends from CA just came out to hang out this weekend and we are supposed to go out tonight.”
uh..
in a matter of about .2375 seconds, I have the following reactions go through my head:
1. wtf.
2. so… when you were planning on telling me this, you inconsiderate jerk? was the plan to just leave me hanging all night and hope I wouldn’t notice?
3. convenient that we can’t all hang out together, isn’t it? you are full of it. and you know exactly what I mean by “it.”
but I say, “Oh.. Ok.”
he says,” Sorry I forgot they were coming until they got here yesterday.”
I say, “Ok.”
if I would have said anything more than those two letters, angry and/or foul words would have come out of my fingers and I didn’t want to go there.

exhibit b:

we’ll call this one… Loco. because he is maybe clinically insane? who knows.

so here’s the story. Loco is from L.A. last year he he added me on Facebook thinking I was someone he knew from his mission, I thought I was supposed to know him because he looked familiar, so I accepted the friend request. we started talking and he became increasingly infatuated as time went by. I was flattered, but not entirely interested. mostly indifferent. then I started dating the d-bag who later broke my heart and Loco took it as a green light to get a girlfriend literally like the next day.
cool.
so over the next several months he would text me every so often and still be flirtatious and tell me how much he still liked  me and that his relationship status could change, etc. I brushed it off. he would ask me why he still liked me through their drama-filled rocky relationship and I would say, “I don’t know, Loco.. why do you still like me?” yet he continued to maintain contact.
then he told me he was coming to Utah for a weekend for a wedding with his lady friend and asked if we could hang out. I said ok, but he starts insisting that we hang out just the two of us. I tell him he needs to tell his lady friend. I don’t want to be sneaking around all shady-like, and she can come if she wants. so we decided we’d do something late Saturday night.
I hadn’t heard from him for a few days beforehand and didn’t know if I was even still going to see him. I texted him the day before, but no response.  so Saturday evening rolls around, and around 5ish I get a phone call from him. he asks me if I can come pick him up right then to hang out. he is in Provo. Provo is an hour away from me. I tell him that. he says, “oh. ok.” but still wants me to come down. I tell him I’m going to bring my sister because we were going to go to dinner anyway. (plus I wanted to eliminate any one-on-one possibilities) so then he calls me about 10 minutes later and says he is going to Salt Lake to do something for the wedding instead, so maybe we can hang out later at like 9 or something. I remind him for about the 1000th time that I am WAY closer to SLC than I am to Provo. he says “oh, ok” and that he will call me to meet up there a little later.
so Haley and I venture off to Gateway for some grub and the Victoria’s Secret sale. it was fab.
about 9pm we are done and I call him to see if he is planning on meeting up with us or if we should just bail and go home. no answer. I call one more time and leave a message that I’m leaving SLC. we go home.
about an hour later, I get the following message on Facebook:

Aubrey,
I see that that u keep tryin to call me. I havent answered for a reason and I would appreciate it if u didn’t call me back. I am in a relationship with a really amazing girl and I want to be faithful to her. Given our history together I feel it is inappropriate for us to communicate. I hope you understand and respect my wishes. I wish u the best and hope u find a worthy priesthood holder who will love u as much as I love my girl. She is my everything. Good luck in all u do.
Loco

uhh… I think this is the place where you insert the “wtf” face?

so I respond:

wow. ok firstly, you are the one who called me wanting to hang out. secondly you said you’d call me to meet up in salt lake so I was just trying to figure out what was going on before I left and went home. and thirdly, I told you to tell your gf about it so we wouldn’t be sneaking around all shady. fourthly, you’re the one who has maintained contact between us all this time. I only called you to follow up with the plans you had pushed for. I’m glad you’re happy with your gf. I wouldn’t have it otherwise and I wasn’t trying to hook up.
good luck and take care.
peace.
Aubrey

then a little while later, I get a phone call from him. not only did I completely not want to talk to him, but I was at a party. sent to voicemail!
he leaves a message saying basically the same kind of stuff. it was absolutely ridiculous.

good thing he is so magnanimous as to shut me down when he was the one pursuing. I’m really relieved he did that. his girlfriend is soooo lucky.

homygosh I love dating so much! it’s the best invention mankind has ever come up with! guys are so awesome at life!

my life is tv.

because it literally blows my mind with the new levels of ridiculous/entertaining that it reaches everyday.

take yesterday, for example:

firstly, I had to get my car’s oil changed. nothing makes me feel quite so incompetent as a car repair or maintenance shop. I always think I know stuff about my car until they ask me a question that sounds like dirty Greek words and I try to act like I understood what they said. or I don’t know the usual procedure on how to act in there. it’s rude.
and the guys in the shop always make me feel ogled. but whatev. what should have been a 10 minute procedure took 25+ minutes because the filter was stuck down inside its shaft. they all collaborated together to fix it, looking pretty befuddled as I sat in my car observing them. but they were nice. I tell you this to simply illustrate further the difficulty that is my car. I can’t do ANYthing related to that freakin máquina without it being complex and extra expensive. (i.e. even at the oil change the special filter cost me $8 extra.)

then.. due to an error message on my phone saying my storage was critically low and I couldn’t send or receive texts, I unthinkingly reset the memory. uh.. bad idea. guess who just lost every single contact number and text message and phone call log that was in there? me. bye bye life.
okay, so maybe my life is not gone. but I had to increase the suspense a little. (and p.s. it’s kind of amusing to see who actually texts you with their number when you post a status about it on facebook. a lot of the people you rarely if ever talk to will send you their numbers because it’s clearly important that you have them, rather than your most frequent texting/calling buddies. or how guys you thought you successfully blew off will come back again looking for new opportunities. I have kind of secretly enjoyed watching all of this unfold.. like the random person who texted me that they love me, they’re watching me, and they want me to have their babies today that I still haven’t identified because I have no numbers. woohoo!) <– longest parenthesis segment ever? maybe.

then.. I go to work. crying bipolars who want to take all their pills and go to sleep because their husbands left them for someone else, psychos of all calibers, the usual range of addicts and alcholics. you know.

then.. I go to my friend Shawn’s house. we get IN-N-OUT, animal style, and a Redbox. (I heart Redbox. because it’s truly one of the greatest inventions ever.) as we walk out when I am leaving to go home, guess what we find?!? 🙂 🙂

my car… with a flat. freaking. tire.

.

.

.
wanh wanh wanh. (sad trombone sound.)

oh yes, folks. Victoria has struck again. I am starting to seriously hate my car as I love her. ok so changing a flat tire.. pretty basic procedure, no? Shawn brings his manliness to the plate and steps in to handle it. unfortunately nobody warned us that either Superman or Chuck Norris had put the bolts on that wheel, and they were impossible to remove. and when I say impossible… I mean he stomps on the wrench to get the first one to even budge a tiny bit, and strips the wrench, rendering it useless. and not only that, but we notice that there is a special bolt that’s different from the rest of them gloating at us from the hubcap, daring us to figure out how to get it off with no wrench that fits.
ohhh yay. so after a mighty struggle with no success, we go to Walmart to buy another wrench. by this time it is getting close to 2am. we are pissed puppies. my phone is so dying. but I manage to get a text off to my mom about my situation, who calls me and sympathizes. then Dad calls back and explains to me that the misfit bolt is actually a lock bolt to ward off wheel/hubcab thieves.
oh.
there’s a special key for it in the glove box.
oh.
ask me if it worked.
no.
we struggled with these lug nuts until 3:30ish am, when Shawn (feeling rather emasculated) finally makes me leave Victoria and just take his car home because he didn’t need it much today anyway.  I get home around 4am. I get 2 hours of sleep before I have to turn around and go back to work. mmm. that was delish.

the saga continues..

I work. it was fine. same old.

then I go to my car to meet the tow truck that I had requested meet me around 4pm. I wait.
and I wait.
and I finish a movie on my laptop in the car.
and I wait.
over an hour and a half later  the tow truck finally shows up. he gets off two more lug nuts, but the lock bolt = impossible without some vibrating tool. (I don’t know, ok? don’t look at me all disapprovingly like you didn’t kind of laugh.) but because he didn’t show up earlier, he didn’t figure out that my car actually needed to be towed to a tire shop until 6pm, when they had all closed for the night. eff.
so he gave me the option of leaving it and him picking it up in the morning, towing it clear to Kaysville for some serious dinero, or towing it to the shop and leaving the key in the drop box.
initially I said he could just pick it up in the morning.. when the secretary at the tow shop got wind after he had left, she immediately called me saying, “no, no.. your insurance refuses to pay for 2 trips out to your car ” (despite me having zero control over this situation. messed up.) so the tow truck had to turn around and come BACK to tow my car over tonight so it can wait to be seen like a sick patient in the morning.

at this point, I almost broke down in tears in my car.. possibly partially attributed to sleep-deprivation.. but mostly to being at the end of my vehicular rope. I don’t know what else I can deal with on this front.

oh and to add insult to injury, I will apparently be kicked off my insurance in July for too many accidents. at which point the plan that they will offer me will be more than triple the monthly fee I currently pay. needless to say I will be insurance shopping.
AND
there is a crack in the top left corner of my windshield.

anyway. then John luckily was already on his way to pick me up and we went and saw the most hilarious play I have ever seen.. “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” at Hale Center Theatre in Provo. um. go see it. I was blown away. talent, humor, costumes, dancing, music.. fab-u-luss.

and know what else is fabulous? in a week… I will be in San Francisco birthdayin’ it up with my girls. YEAHYUH!

you have no idea how excited I am about this trip. even though I just typed that sentence in the least exciting way that I possibly could have. it’s inside my soul, ok? it’s there.