so I’m thinking. I’m in one of those think moods.. where you over-think until your thinker thinks itself out and you don’t know what to think anymore.

I hate that. but sometimes I can’t help it and I indulge the impulse. and amidst my swirly thought flood, I feel like I should take the lesson that’s being handed to me today.. and writing is cathartic for me. I have to figure out what I’m thinking and I’m doing it publicly, so lucky you.

as many or all of you know, Chile got hit with a horrific earthquake late last night, resulting in awful repercussions for them. I woke up to posts all over the internet about the catastrophe and ran upstairs to tell my family and turn on CNN. but the effects of the huge earthquake also turned to the rest of the land bordering the pacific ocean, as virtually everyone got put on tsunami watch. and especially in danger, according to reports, was Hawaii. my heart sank into my stomach when I heard this, as one of my best friends, Nonoa, currently lives there. so before I ran upstairs in a panic, I called her, and she told me evacuation sirens were going off all over the island and that she and her roommates had packed up and gone to the hills to stay with some of her family to wait it out on high ground. she said the tsunami was supposed to hit around 11am her time and she didn’t know what would happen. turns out the ocean did some weird things: the color changed, the tides’ behavior was unusual, swelling higher and draining lower than normal. they did, in fact, get hit by the tsunami, but it was pretty minor compared to what might have been, and thank heavens for that. but I felt a little sick when I told her I loved her and hung up the phone, realizing just how little control we actually have over what happens when God works in His mysterious ways, and allows natural disasters to happen. the people we love or we, ourselves, can be gone in an instant. of course, we have plenty of warning of what’s coming, in the scriptures and from the prophets, but I’m guilty of brushing it to the side in order to not have to think about it, or just straight up forgetting. we really are in the last days, and it’s becoming more apparent as you look around at what’s going on in the world. social unrest, wars and hostile social climates, strange weather patterns, increased natural disasters, etc. and things will get worse.

but my point is: some things in life are the most important, other things are temporarily necessary, and some things just don’t matter. at the end of my life, am I going to care about what my job was, how many speeding tickets I got or fender benders I had, how perfect my body was, what I did on the weekends, how popular I was, who was or wasn’t texting/facebooking/twittering me, what bills were breathing down my neck, or how much money/stuff I had?
obviously the answer is no. I’m going to care about how well I kept the commandments and fulfilled my purpose here on this earth, how I contributed to my eternal family, what true friendships I cultivated, what knowledge I acquired, how I developed my God-given talents and spiritual gifts, and who I helped influence for good, especially by sharing the Gospel.

I know these things, but sometimes Heavenly Father reminds me again, because I get caught up. I get caught up in the stressors that I face daily with work, with car hardships, with dating, with money, with feeling unsatisfied or insufficient.. with everything that is temporarily necessary or that just doesn’t matter. but my priorities should lie where I know things are most important.

today I remembered that I’m grateful for the people in my life. all of you who are my wonderful true friends. I am so blessed to have you. and all of you who are my incredible supportive family, you are my rock. I just want you to know that I love you.

my prayers and thoughts are with the people of Chile, as I have so many friends with loved ones there, going through hellish times. Que Dios los bendiga.

quote of the day (one of my new faves):
“if you want the rainbow, you must put up with the rain.” -Dolly Parton


if I could type the instrumental olympic theme here, I would.

I guess technically I could type it.. dummm dummmm da dum dum dum dum, dum dum da dum, da dum dum dum da da dum dum dummmm.. psh! (that’s how you type a cymbal sound.)

but now that you’re all dumber for having read that, I’ll stick with my original title.

anyway. I just wanted to share with the cyber world how much I adore the olympics. they’re mind-blowing to me. I find them to be kind of like crack cocaine in the respect that my life is kind of deteriorating around my addiction, but I just want more. they’re so inspiring! so tear-jerking! so amazing! so.. painful!

okay so maybe a “deteriorating” life is a strong word choice. I actually do function and fulfill my responsibilities like a normal human being.. except going to the gym. because night time is my usual gym time, but sitting on the couch to watch OTHER people be athletic has been winning every time over panting on a treadmill.
okay… maybe wheezing and gasping on a treadmill.
(poor dear body.. I promise I’ll take you to the gym tomorrow.)

olympics! you are stealing my sleep and making me pudgy! JERKS! I love you!

oh no he didn’t..

just because you guys will understand how ridiculous this is..

I had to tell you.

I got rear-ended this morning. innocently sitting at a stoplight. by a surgeon. in a big old truck.
luckily it was a tap that doesn’t appear to have done any visible damage.

but still…



walking out to my car in the daylight for lunch, I realized that there is damage.. a dent in my trunk below my license plate. he’s gonna pay to repair it.
but huge frowny face.

this is the part where I say, “FML.”

on dating.

the other night my dad and I were talking about my dating life. we were talking about my pattern of rejecting guys on the regular (and when I say “on the regular,” take that literally).. since… I don’t usually like the guys that like me for very long. ahem.
and most times I can tell early on that it’s not right, so why bother getting involved? keep it painless and drama-free.
but he told me one thing that kind of scared me a tiny bit. he said he is not worried about lack of opportunity, but is slightly (emphasis on slightly) concerned I won’t let somebody in.

he has a point.
I can casually date like a maniac and keep it pretty surface-level, and it’s easy to fade out and move on. I’m basically anti-vulnerability. I keep myself pretty safe.
bad? maybe.

but here’s my response to dad’s comment..
the problem (and maybe the reason I roll this way): if somebody gets in.. I don’t get over him.

I can count on one hand the number of times this has happened. with a couple few fingers left over.

however, my consolation lies in the fact that on the rare occasion this has happened, I feel no fear in diving head over heels into it. when I fall, I fall big.
…kind of like everything else in my life. lo hago grande. (that’s what she said?)   

so. in conclusion…

there is no conclusion for me. until someday. if/when my single life concludes.

mm.. coconut juice

I am going to borrow these images.. and plagiarize.. because I don’t know where they’re from exactly. so.. thanks, anonymous photographers.

I will (fingers and toes and arms and eyes and tongue and legs and.. torso? crossed) be going to the following places within the next two months:

oh look.. this one says his name. thanks, Jim Goldstein. you gem.

this is much-needed..
and just the start to some grand and glorious capitalize-on-the-golden-moments-in-my-unattached-life kinds of plans. especially considering I’ll be a quarter of a century old in under 2 months. the time is now.

to vaguely brush over a couple of them so you can bristle with mild curiosity at my coolness:
a prospective summer internship on a tropical island
another trip to a tropical island in December

I’d like to toast some coconut juice to the pursuit of happiness and stealing your own moments. cheers!

tulips and capitalism

Happy V-day.

These beauties are sitting on my counter. I love tulips.

but I wish I could think about anything besides what’s on my mind right now.

I’m kind of intentionally making myself miserable,
because sometimes it feels better to wallow.
and when that’s your only connection..
you become a sad little capitalist.