ohh I wanna dance with somebody

my favorite quotes this week
(while getting hit on by a 20 year-old boy, 80’s dancing):
him “so are you going to school?”
me “I actually graduated.”
him “I mean college..”
me “so do I.”

and

“I feel like a weenie and a republican.”
-Cale Newhouse

my favorite picture this week:
hare-krishna1-boostedwith Cam at the Hare Krishna Festival of Colors. it’s chalk. I don’t have a skin disease and I didn’t just eat an entire jar of raspberry jam.

 

what. the. eff.

that is her? ….THAT is her?!?!?!

?!?!?!?!?!?!

really???…. really.
please tell me he’s kidding.
she is not even… bah!
no! 

she wRiTeS lIkE tHiS.
and she is a gusher.

I’m trying not to swear in disbelief that this would really happen.
he does not realize his caliber. and my theory is: he has been starved so she looks like a feast.

and my work made me go get FOUR chunks of my hair cut out for a drug test today.

and my car battery died WHILE I was driving.

the upside? I found an adorable dress on a great sale. and shirt and a headband. and Sig is doing my hair tomorrow.
there are other upsides, but I am not writing them.

kick-in-the-throat

my virgin eyes just got desecrated by something revolting when I was trying to find this photo of kick ’em in the throat. I fear that image will never leave me.

“there’s blood in my mouth ’cause I’ve been biting my tongue all week” – Rilo Kiley

So you were bold,
and your bold moves were rewarded
with the opportunity to get over it.
And you’re cool. completely.
So what’s the fuss, dear?
He doesn’t know the reason
someone wouldn’t be into you.
And your heart beat so hard, your hair shook;
and the muscles in your left leg tensed and cramped.
Nothing could have made your stomach sicker anyway.
And you carefully clothespinned your fingers,
and deliberately tied up your ankles…
and jumped–

strung out in the alleyway
like a drug dealer’s pair of shoes on a powerline,
the dangling, open, vulnerable target.

“Life is too important to take seriously.” – Corky Siegel

so the days since my last post have been so ridick.
let’s just talk about it for a second.

firstly, to update you on the guy fast. I totally did it until Saturday, and then I caved once because I had a burning question I had to ask my friend. but I did it for most of the week, and I’m pretty proud of myself. (although it didn’t really take away my frustration.. and I still ended up talking to a bunch of them because they contacted me.) but I give myself an A for effort.

secondly, I just found out today I have to have SURGERY on Wednesday! BAH! I’m pretty much super nervous about it. but it’s because of the same issue I blogged about last time.. that KSSD is getting the best of me, but he’s about to lose. LTM is backing me up, but he’s playing sidekick to Dr. Reynolds now, who’s a way better superhero than LTM in this kidney stones department.
 but I haven’t had surgery before besides for wisdom teeth, so this is freaking me out. I’m sitting here at work reading the details of my procedure that they gave me and getting more scared. but if it will end the problem AND make it so I don’t have to rip out my left kidney (even though it’s in the doghouse), then it will all be worth it. bring on the stirrups! (gross.)
and by the way, I have the best parents of all time. it’s a good thing we have mothers in moments like these.

thirdly, this weekend was pretty much awes.. but not in the ways I would have expected. I spent it all with my V.I.Peep, Cambria, which always brightens up my life. Friday we went to this St. Patty’s party down in Provo, and my favorite sister, Haley, came with us. the DJ was fabulous and getting our dance on was, of course, the best. but the party itself? kinda lame. the best part of the evening was when we were driving back home. we were in the carpool lane minding our own business in Cam’s Scion TC when all of a sudden we realize there is a car relentlessly driving next to us. the windows were tinted really dark so we couldn’t tell if it was on purpose or just one of those obnoxious people that drives next to you just because. so Cam speeds up, and they speed up, and we slow down, and they wait for us to catch up, etc. then they roll down their window and we see it’s two guys in this nice Infiniti trying to race! ha. and attempting to understand what they were saying through the window over the freeway noise was pretty much not happening, but basically they continued trying to egg us on and giving us the wobbling hand to say that we were doing mediocre to okay with the racing. then they changed lanes right in front of us over the double white lines and started going really slow, so we got out of the lane. and they tried talking to us a few more times and provoke more racing, but we eventually just let them blast off ahead of us going, I’m guessing, close to 100 or at least 95 around the curve.. when suddenly a Highway Patrol car CRUISES pass us on the right and zooms right up to the back of their car, and we watched with mouths open until the cop turned his lights on and pulled them over, and then all 3 of us busted up laughing. they potentially could have received 4 tickets, depending on what the cop saw, for speeding, racing, crossing a double white line, and illegally dark tint on their windows. ha! we are soo lucky it wasn’t us. oh snap.

and then on Saturday, Cam, Beau, and I all went down to SLC for Cam’s supposed photo shoot that she won, which didn’t end up happening, and then to Provo (yes, again in a 24 hour period. wtf? I never spend this much time there!) to get Beau a sweet phone deal at Best Buy. and we ended up hitting up this restaurant in Highland called Blue Lemon. you guys.. I think I’m in love with this place! it had such a fresh ambience and the food was all basically healthy and so delicious. I had the raspberry salad with a side of hummus. oh yes. and they get presentation points. look at my meal!

untitled

 so delicious. I highly recommend that you go there and try it. they just opened about 2 weeks ago, apparently.

fourthly, I had to speak TWICE in church yesterday, with two different high councilmen.. and kidney stones. ha. who does that? being a RM is sometimes not the coolest. it was quite the experience. but I was really blessed to be able to get through both talks without problems, and get done what I needed to do. all I can say is it’s good thing I love the Gospel!

 so now that you know more than you probably ever wanted to about my life.. that’s it. for today.

KSSD vs. LTM

I’d like to introduce you to…

THE KIDNEY STONE SNUGGIE DEVIL (KSSD)snuggie-kidney-devil

culprit of the hellish pain he has turned my life into for the past week.. using his minions — these guys:

kidney-stones-real

I know. so. disgusting.

and it isn’t just the past week.. he did this to me two months ago as well.
And he prevents me from eating. If I wanted to be anorexic AND bulimic then I would do it of my own free will!

lortab-man2Luckily Lortab Man (LTM) and I WILL track him down and choke him with that ridiculous orange monstrosity he is wearing on his body. (the Snuggie in and of itself freaks me out.) We’re so close to catching him with our uber technology.

You just watch yourself, KSSD!
You are GOING DOWWWWWWWWWN!

my guy fast

so I’ve decided that I’m going to put myself on a week-long guy fast, and I’m posting this so I can publicly hold myself to my resolution.
why? because I’m pretty much sick of guys. I don’t want to deal with them. and I think a little break will be refreshing. (yes, this includes the guy from the elevator post about whom I’ve been questioned so much.)
and I will NOT turn into one of those cynical old Mormon spinsters who slump around with a bitter beer (or bitter hot chocolate) face and a spare tire and dimples in their arm fat and smell like they just made out with the Twilight Series pages in an I-hate-all-men-that-aren’t-Edward desperate frenzy. (I’m not even gonna talk about the insane anti-reality check that that series encourages right now.)
this is a preventative measure that is as much for your good as it is for mine.

my rules include:
absolutely no initiation of contact (phone/text, electronic, or otherwise) with non-family males for a week.
minimum response when necessary to contact initiated by them.

so until Monday.. goodbye, boys!

http://www.davidandgoliathtees.com/games/boygame5.swf

the brilliance of bored missionaries

wilnoaToday… I felt inspired to share some farewell poems that Hermana Nonoa and I received from some of the Elders of the Language Zone about 2 days before we were to end our missions. They wrote these before and during the Christmas Zone Conference.. and afterwards we had a poetry reading. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Kay’s Cross in New Zealand Poem

Wilkinson and Nonoa leaving us forever.
A few thoughts came that we thought would be clever,
of how you could stay with us and never leave.
Some of them you would not have believed.
Then lightning struck our brain,
and yet we felt no pain.
A thought was forced into our head
to send you off with a poem instead.
A poem of greatness, a poem of success.
All of our skills would be put to the test.
A poem of faith, of hope, of love,
a poem of undeniable help from above.
Of how to start the poem we did not know.
Maybe a simple hola or hello.
Our heads going through never before felt sensations.
Maybe a poem of hardcore lamentations.
With our energy depleting
and all senses fleeting.
With the commencement of the poem in sight,
and our brain losing the light.
It starts…from our hearts to thine.
It ends…you will be home in no time.
Have fun never seeing us again.
It was fun to have you with us. Don’t get married too quick because me and Nonoa are getting married. Too bad polygamy is frowned upon. Sorry Sister Wilk.

-Elder Tremblay.
(But Hofe read it for him in the reading.)

Tremblay's on the left.
(on the left)

Following which, we had Elder Folkner’s contribution:
No-No-No-a and The Wilkinator,
As inspired by Elder Tremblay, I wanted to write you a poem and give you a little advice.

Babies Suck

I bet you think that having a baby will fill you with glee,
But I assure you that there are many frights that you now can’t see.
I write to you to help you avoid unwanted remorse
from a tiny unexpected source.
A baby will bring you nothing but pain
and an extreme fight to keep yourself sane.
They poop, they puke, and they pee,
and all the way you’ll be missing me.
And as they scream in an indistinguishable tongue,
you’ll remember the poem that I have sung.
I just want to remind you that babies SUCK!
But I truly wish you the best of luck.
Here’s my advice, but I really have to run:
Babies really suck, but making them sure is fun.

(and the room erupted in laughter.)

folkner-preaching

(P.S. As background: Audrey Nonoa is my favorite mission companion, and I knew her from day 1 of the MTC until the very last day when we were traveling sisters together for an extra 9 days at the end. she’s from New Zealand.. hence the title of Elder Tremblay’s poem, combining Kaysville with NZ.
Also, the Language Zone is the only zone in the mission with all bilingual missionaries, and it’s where I spent the last 9 months of my mission. it’s the coolest zone. period. Elder Tremblay is a Haitian-Creole Missionary, and Elder Folkner is a Spanish Missionary, who was my last District Leader.)

And in other news…. today Bon Bon (a.k.a. Rachel Van Meeteren, my other awesome comp) gets home!!!!!!!!!
kyessssss!