“I’m a legend, they call me the cautionary whale.”

so it’s been a minute. again. I have just accepted the fact that it will be internet years between blog posts and moved on. I’m sure you’ve done the same.

today’s post was actually spurred by me looking through my phone and realizing I have about 30 photos of Texas life that I would like to post instead of writing a novel. mmmkay?

aight cool. blink a few times and get your eyes warmed up for this. here we go.

first: the capital of Texas and my favorite city thus far, Austin.

the old school drinking fountain on the grounds. and Lisa using it.
 the reason we came to Austin, to chill with Christina at a ginormous house with incredible grounds and eat J Dawgs and fail to bring swimsuits. and it so happened that Christina and I dressed alike. cut-offs and neon yellow are hot right now. plus she and I apparently live parallel lives. we’ll even both be in New Zealand in October, only missing each other by 2 days. you can’t make this stuff up. love this girl.
also in Austin we went to a cupcake van called “Hey Cupcake!” and loved it,
got shaved ice, shopped at an outdoor market randomly chillin on the street, saw the “Hi how are you?” frog from the movie “Whip It.” oh and I saw two guys from my mission who, independently of each other, came to this giant YSA activity that we were attending. and then we saw the most recent X-Men movie, which was wicked awesome, as expected.
my view from the backseat as we road-tripped:
and Lisa and yours truly at the gorgeous huge house. you can’t tell here, but our feet are in the pool.
ok. moving on from Austin. (I lingered there because it was my fave.)

we have.. Corpus Christi. actually technically not Corpus. more like Padre Island.. where we like to go chill at Whitecap Beach. and this is how happy it makes us:
and it also makes us relaxed:
 and we love our lives at the beach. especially when we eat at Padre Island Burger Company… where I had the best burger I’ve ever had in my life.. called “The Hangover.” go eat it.

and speaking of eating.. San Antonio has the most delicious food. apparently it’s the fattest city in the U.S. awesome. so we’re gonna talk about that for a second.
Exhibit A: Chuy’s (where Natalie INSISTED I go to try a Chuychanga with Boom Boom Sauce because she’s obsessed. turns out I hate Boom Boom Sauce cuz it’s almost straight cheese. however.. I  am absolutely in a relationship with their jalapeno ranch. ummmm wow. and know what else I am in love with? their tres leches. get in my belly.)
 Exhibit B: Panera Bread. which, I have to say, is my all-time fave restaurant, dating back to my Florida days. I always made my poor companions go there as much as possible on the mish. and when I say poor, I mean lucky. when will you come to Utah, Panera Bread? when? (anybody who says Paradise Bakery is the same is a BIG FAT LIAR.)
 Exhibit C: Mi Tierra (or, as I like to call it, the assault on the eyes.)
you see what I mean. it is apparently a very famous Mexican Restaurant, attracting even the likes of Bill Clinton when he shows his face in San Anton. I had mole poblano. (if I’m being honest, Red Iguana in SLC is better for mole poblano.)
however, the ribs my manager, Anne, got were heavenly. we even got a personal serenade from a mariachi duo on guitars. and we ate some treats from their panaderia (bakery for those less educated in espanish).
Exhibit D: Dick’s Last Resort (not exclusive to San Antonio, but still always good time.) I refuse to actually type out what it says on my hat in this photo, nor go into further detail about how I was pwned all night, because you can always trust Dick’s to be inappropriate. but let’s just say Lisa and I laughed our guts out.)
man. that photo was huge. I hope your computer didn’t get overwhelmed.
Exhibit E: Whataburger. but I have no photo. but oh man… that ish is DELISH. way better than In-n-Out. yeah I said it.

ok. let’s see. what else… oh,

the pool. I know I already discussed it, but here’s Lisa modeling our 6″ section of water that has become our favorite layout spot.. and lookin hot.

and maybe one of my favorite things so far about San Antonio is a little something called First Friday, which is where a couple of blocks get turned into an artsy street market and vendors set up booths for jewelry and art and henna and feather extensions and trinkets and art galleries open and food establishments fill up, and basically… it’s totally my scene. so here’s a little collage of this past weekend for you:
annnnnd the hyper photo sesh that happened when we got home. and we looked like hippies.
…..it’s probably only funny to me, but whatev.
and my bomb wicked sweet awesome earrings I got from my first First Friday (say that 5 times fast.) I’m in lurrrrve with them.

next up we have adventures at Del Sol. (some of us may or may not call it Del Hole from time to time. but that is uncomfirmed.)
these are a few of the UV lamps we stare into and use all the day long to show off our color-changing products that are probably burning our retinas or something. AND spreading joy and happiness and smiles.
and this is Lisa and Melissa.. like…. STOKED to be at work.

and then after we do that, we like to go down the street to hang with our homeboys at the Guinness World Records Museum and the Haunted Adventure and Tomb Rider 3D. actually… that only happened one time.
Tallest man in the world:
 Fattest man in the world:
and me being officially deemed as: SEXY. beetches.
…another HUGE photo. I know.

and. speaking of work. across the street from work is the Alamo. yes. so… there’s a plaza in front of it, right? and things happen there. like err-day. weird. things. and I’m not just saying that. they are legit weird.
FOR EXAMPLE:
one time… there was a random group of people. some were dressed as slaves with chains around their necks and/or inmates in orange jumpsuits. they were carrying a giant statue of a woman (maybe Mary?) with the Alamo coming out of her feet, like you would carry a coffin. except… she was upside down. and they hung an Alamo pinata in front of the Alamo.
 and then… a parade of dropped vehicles rolled by… on hydraulics. what?
but that is not all, my friends. oh no. as I left work I walked by the gazebo only to see these slaves and/or inmates standing on either side of this woman with Alamo feet SPINNING her head over heels… over and over again. observe:
 BUT… as if that wasn’t weird enough. there was a man standing up on the stone wall THROWING ROSE PETALS at the statue as they spun it.
AND!
there was a woman chanting/yodeling at the top of her lungs while a band accompanied her as the soundtrack for the occasion.
………………………………..
don’t pretend like you can top that for weirdness.
you can’t.
stuff like that happens everyday, kids.

anyway. wanna know what else was super duper fun? and that is serious. it was really super duper fun. Six Flags. we walked on EVERY ride and we loved our lives. perfect day.
except sometimes their coasters are only for skinny people, apparently. and they weed out the fatties with their skinny ace ramps that last for like 3 stories of a building.

wanna see some other beautiful San Antonio things?
of course you do.

The San Antonio LDS Temple:
sky.
yeah. I live across the street from the Tower of the Americas. and the Alamodome. what?
River Walk
sweet building

and finally… since my car is still rocking a cracked oil pan…..

my new ride:

peace, love, and green lamborghini grease to all of you, my friends.

oh. wait, wait, wait.

I have to not stop yet. because, despite how it may look in all of these awesome photos you just went through,

Texas sucks.

why?

because this was the LAMEST 4th of July of my life. not only did I work all day, but Texas is in the drought of the century and they decided to BAN ANY AND ALL FIREWORKS.
first time ever in my life that I’ve spent the 4th of July sitting in my apartment, watching a weird movie.

and I hated it.
but I still love America.
…..kthanks.

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3 thoughts on ““I’m a legend, they call me the cautionary whale.”

  1. Thank you so much for your kind words of the Padre Island Burger Company, was doing some googling an found it, now love your blog, keep up the great work.

    next time your in the area email me burgers on us!
    -D

  2. update. hooray!
    that frog from the movie?
    it’s a piece by one of my favorite artists, daniel johnston.
    look it up, yo.
    then come home.

  3. yep. i just read this entire blog post.
    yep. i laughed out loud at the crazy-a topsy-turvy-mary-slaves. (classy)
    yep. i think i know that christina character (efy 2009-logan sesh… she prob’s doesn’t remember me… so maybe that makes me not only weird BUT creepy that i remember her)
    okay. this is not the time nor place for my ranting.
    wait, america IS awesome… BUT no one makes food like los mexicanos, verdad o verdad?

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