Tidbits from Aubrey’s Text Messages

I had to share this stuff. (Sorry Shelb. I know I still owe you a mission post. I promise it’s coming.) The following are the reasons I love texting. The three people featured are the three that I text the most. These are only excerpts of the hilarious things that pass through my phone.


Cale: “F. What’s your phone number?”

Me: “801…blahbity blah. Why?”

Cale: “I have 2 numbers under your name. Did you get the picture of the wrap I sent earlier?”

Me: “I sure didn’t.”

Cale: “Ehhh I sent that picture to a random then. Plus it’s someone I know because I used to hide numbers under other contacts…I’m sure they’ll enjoy that.”

Me: “Ha! You hid numbers under other contacts? Why?”

Cale: “So if I ever got a text from whoever it would be like…Aubrey!
Texted you!”

Me: “Haha! So you wanted extra texts from me?”

Cale: “Pretty much, yo.”


Me: “I hope this lands in your dreams tonight.”

Cale: “That’s awful. What is that?!”

Me: “That’s the way CPR practice babies are stored. With their heads backwards between their legs.”

Cale: “Oh I see, so they can have the Satanic powers needed to come to life at night.”


Kevin: “You are asleep. Deep in your psyche I am embedding a desire for you to text me. When you wake the urge will grow so intense that you will be forced to obey.”


Cambria: “Remember when we took pictures of the ballerina in class?”

Me: “Yep. Why?”

Cambria: “I wanna do that with Aaron’s muscles.”

Me: “Hahahahaha!!”

Cambria: “I’m so serious!”

Me: “I know. The light would definitely enhance the muscle bulge. Would he do it?”

Cambria: “I think so… I asked him yesterday and he thought I was weird.”


(I don’t know why, but I have ended up having 2 different conversations where the following topic came up. and neither time was it my idea.)

Cale: “Ok check me. If a magic sex change fairy flew up to you and was like ‘Aubrey Wilkinson….you get this one chance and one chance only to become a man. But there’s no going back,’ how would you respond?”

Me: “No thanks. I don’t even know how to be a guy. I would be lost.”

Cale: “You just walk around. Look at stuff. Wear pants always. Brush teeth. Play nintendo.”

Me: “Hahaha. That was the best description of being a guy ever.”

Cale: “What’s it like being a girl?”

Me: “Always try to look pretty. Get treated to things. Get critiqued/looked at a lot. Eat chocolate. Shop. Laugh. Make stuff. Be in charge. Multitask.”

Cale: “I’m good at half of those things.”

Me: “Which half?”

Cale: “Make stuff. Be in charge. Shop for one specific thing. Try to look pretty.”


Me: “A. I have no idea how to be a dude. And B. I kind of like being me.”

Kevin: “Being a dude is easy. We pee standing up.”


Cambria: “Tell me what to say! I’m sending you texts between me and J. Starting with me:”

(J calls multiple times and complains she is not answering)
Cambria: “Dude! I’m at work!!!”
J: “Well…lame! What are you doing tonight?”
Cambria: “I’m going to a soiree. Fancy huh? You?
J: “Just wishing I was hangin out with you…”

Me: “Oh gag.”
“Is that all?”

Cambria: “Yeah.”

Me: “I would say, ‘Yeah I get that a lot,’ or something snotty like that.”
“Or don’t write back for a long time and when you do, totally change the subject. Like ‘Ahh the fattest lady EVER just came into the store!’ or something.”


(Discussing my problems with my hanging shoe rack)

Kevin: “Ha just put your shoes on the ground”

Me: “I have too may, they don’t fit. :(”

Kevin: “Wow that is a lot of shoes. I have 4 pairs. My everyday shoes, church shoes, flip flops, and my football shoes.”

Me: “4?! Man. I don’t even know how many I have..”

Kevin: “Yup 4. And I only ever wear 2.”

Me: “Dang gina. I would die.”
“I just counted and I have 54 pairs. Not including slippers.”

Kevin: “I don’t think I could possibly wear that many shoes.”

Me: “Trust me it’s possible. It’s what makes the outfit!”

Kevin: “I don’t have outfits.”

Me: “That’s ok. I do. I’ll handle it for you.”

Kevin: “Ok you can have the outfits.”

Me: “Thanks for your sacrifice.”

Kevin: “It’s gonna be difficult, but I’ll do it for you.”


Cale: “Wilkinson, how important would you say a 6-pack is to you?”

Me: “Not at all. I’m all about arms/shoulders/hands.”

Cale: “Hand workouts?”

“Grab things?”


Cambria: “I’m pretty sure there is a lesbian couple living across the street from us.”

Me: “YES! Wait, how do you know?” 

Cambria: “There is one that looks like a lady, and another one who looks like a little boy, but when I look closer, I’m pretty sure she’s a girl too.”

Me: “Well, I’m glad we have no blinds on our house and walk around in our skivvies all the time.”

Cambria: “We are homewreckers.”


3 thoughts on “Tidbits from Aubrey’s Text Messages

  1. Pingback: back to my future « The Wilki Way

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