my 100th

this is my 100th post. (and my life has been so overwhelming lately that I’ve not done it for weeks) so I guess it’s only appropriate that I feel like I’m going to bust open from too many thoughts and feelings fighting each other.. maybe there will be confetti when that moment hits, eh?

I don’t know why I’m awake,
but I know I feel a bit lost.
there are formulas and guidelines and commandments for story book endings that I’ve been given since birth
by do-gooders on all sides…
but they are faulty in failing to take into account
emotion and compatibility
and attraction
and chemistry.
how am I to factor that in
(to a formula of perfection)
when it will only mess up the ending
by eternal degrees?

where do I put my weakness in this equation,
or the irresistible mutual pull that’s proving so hard to resist?
this is up to me,
with my maturity faltering,
to live up to the knowledge bar
and slap on perspective so easily lost.
there are no beer goggles to remove here,
only feelings to bury.
to wish change like this
is the most futile wish
with the most desperate hope
and the most miserable consequences.

so I blink it away
and give life my hard smile.

happy 100!!
…to me!

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