my life is tv.

because it literally blows my mind with the new levels of ridiculous/entertaining that it reaches everyday.

take yesterday, for example:

firstly, I had to get my car’s oil changed. nothing makes me feel quite so incompetent as a car repair or maintenance shop. I always think I know stuff about my car until they ask me a question that sounds like dirty Greek words and I try to act like I understood what they said. or I don’t know the usual procedure on how to act in there. it’s rude.
and the guys in the shop always make me feel ogled. but whatev. what should have been a 10 minute procedure took 25+ minutes because the filter was stuck down inside its shaft. they all collaborated together to fix it, looking pretty befuddled as I sat in my car observing them. but they were nice. I tell you this to simply illustrate further the difficulty that is my car. I can’t do ANYthing related to that freakin máquina without it being complex and extra expensive. (i.e. even at the oil change the special filter cost me $8 extra.)

then.. due to an error message on my phone saying my storage was critically low and I couldn’t send or receive texts, I unthinkingly reset the memory. uh.. bad idea. guess who just lost every single contact number and text message and phone call log that was in there? me. bye bye life.
okay, so maybe my life is not gone. but I had to increase the suspense a little. (and p.s. it’s kind of amusing to see who actually texts you with their number when you post a status about it on facebook. a lot of the people you rarely if ever talk to will send you their numbers because it’s clearly important that you have them, rather than your most frequent texting/calling buddies. or how guys you thought you successfully blew off will come back again looking for new opportunities. I have kind of secretly enjoyed watching all of this unfold.. like the random person who texted me that they love me, they’re watching me, and they want me to have their babies today that I still haven’t identified because I have no numbers. woohoo!) <– longest parenthesis segment ever? maybe.

then.. I go to work. crying bipolars who want to take all their pills and go to sleep because their husbands left them for someone else, psychos of all calibers, the usual range of addicts and alcholics. you know.

then.. I go to my friend Shawn’s house. we get IN-N-OUT, animal style, and a Redbox. (I heart Redbox. because it’s truly one of the greatest inventions ever.) as we walk out when I am leaving to go home, guess what we find?!? 🙂 🙂

my car… with a flat. freaking. tire.



wanh wanh wanh. (sad trombone sound.)

oh yes, folks. Victoria has struck again. I am starting to seriously hate my car as I love her. ok so changing a flat tire.. pretty basic procedure, no? Shawn brings his manliness to the plate and steps in to handle it. unfortunately nobody warned us that either Superman or Chuck Norris had put the bolts on that wheel, and they were impossible to remove. and when I say impossible… I mean he stomps on the wrench to get the first one to even budge a tiny bit, and strips the wrench, rendering it useless. and not only that, but we notice that there is a special bolt that’s different from the rest of them gloating at us from the hubcap, daring us to figure out how to get it off with no wrench that fits.
ohhh yay. so after a mighty struggle with no success, we go to Walmart to buy another wrench. by this time it is getting close to 2am. we are pissed puppies. my phone is so dying. but I manage to get a text off to my mom about my situation, who calls me and sympathizes. then Dad calls back and explains to me that the misfit bolt is actually a lock bolt to ward off wheel/hubcab thieves.
there’s a special key for it in the glove box.
ask me if it worked.
we struggled with these lug nuts until 3:30ish am, when Shawn (feeling rather emasculated) finally makes me leave Victoria and just take his car home because he didn’t need it much today anyway.  I get home around 4am. I get 2 hours of sleep before I have to turn around and go back to work. mmm. that was delish.

the saga continues..

I work. it was fine. same old.

then I go to my car to meet the tow truck that I had requested meet me around 4pm. I wait.
and I wait.
and I finish a movie on my laptop in the car.
and I wait.
over an hour and a half later  the tow truck finally shows up. he gets off two more lug nuts, but the lock bolt = impossible without some vibrating tool. (I don’t know, ok? don’t look at me all disapprovingly like you didn’t kind of laugh.) but because he didn’t show up earlier, he didn’t figure out that my car actually needed to be towed to a tire shop until 6pm, when they had all closed for the night. eff.
so he gave me the option of leaving it and him picking it up in the morning, towing it clear to Kaysville for some serious dinero, or towing it to the shop and leaving the key in the drop box.
initially I said he could just pick it up in the morning.. when the secretary at the tow shop got wind after he had left, she immediately called me saying, “no, no.. your insurance refuses to pay for 2 trips out to your car ” (despite me having zero control over this situation. messed up.) so the tow truck had to turn around and come BACK to tow my car over tonight so it can wait to be seen like a sick patient in the morning.

at this point, I almost broke down in tears in my car.. possibly partially attributed to sleep-deprivation.. but mostly to being at the end of my vehicular rope. I don’t know what else I can deal with on this front.

oh and to add insult to injury, I will apparently be kicked off my insurance in July for too many accidents. at which point the plan that they will offer me will be more than triple the monthly fee I currently pay. needless to say I will be insurance shopping.
there is a crack in the top left corner of my windshield.

anyway. then John luckily was already on his way to pick me up and we went and saw the most hilarious play I have ever seen.. “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” at Hale Center Theatre in Provo. um. go see it. I was blown away. talent, humor, costumes, dancing, music.. fab-u-luss.

and know what else is fabulous? in a week… I will be in San Francisco birthdayin’ it up with my girls. YEAHYUH!

you have no idea how excited I am about this trip. even though I just typed that sentence in the least exciting way that I possibly could have. it’s inside my soul, ok? it’s there.


One thought on “my life is tv.

  1. Sometimes you feel and act like a crazy psycho when your husband leaves you though, so give ’em a break 🙂

    Oh, and the text about loving you? That was from me…

    I’m sending you my number now so we can keep our friendship alive.

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