you guys.

here’s the deal.

sooo… most of my friends, aside from the ones from my mission,
are older than me, right?

and yet… in my mind, they are not old.
at all.
even as they pass mid-20’s to into late 20’s and start to brush 30’s…
they aren’t old. they are youthful and vibrant and interesting and full of all the best young yet mature things.

but here’s the incongruency that makes me retarded..

next month is my birthday.
it is my 25th birthday.
and I am continually having periodic private anxiety attacks about my age as it encroaches.

like… freaking out inside of myself about it.

see, in Utah culture, where I have grown up,
it’s normal to get married pretty young… early 20’s is pretty much the norm.
a single girl who is 25 is becoming a little more common these days, but it is not the norm.
of the people I hung out with in high school, I think I have like 2 friends who are still single. (and not only are they married, but they have a couple few kids each.)
out-of-staters would prolly be slightly disgusted by that…
but hey. it’s where I live.

but, that being said, it isn’t really the not being married part that’s freaking me out. I don’t define myself by marital status.
it is the sheer fact that I’m almost a quarter of a century old,
and I am living back with my parents…
working at the same job I had 3 years ago, before graduation and the mission…
doing the same old stuff.

where is the progression?
shouldn’t I have accomplished something bigger than this?

but I’ve done things…
I have a college degree,
I went on a mission that changed my life,
I travel a little…

so why do I feel so stuck?
and prospectless?

I just needed cyberspace to hear that.

that’s all.


3 thoughts on “s.t.u.c.k.

  1. Wait till you hit 30 or so and you’ll even see some of those people you know getting divorced :S I partly jest because I’m single and partly just feel bad that that’s how the world is these days 😦

    (OK, don’t wait till your 30. But you get the point…)

    Don’t sweat 25. Do keep thinkin’ about how you can make a difference, but don’t think it has to be some monumental accomplishment… the smaller things add up either way. I think you’ve done more at 25 than I had. 😉

  2. The Adversary would have you believe that you’re doing nothing worthwhile with your life, that you’re not going anywhere. I would ask, have you touched people’s lives? Have you made even one person’s life better? Are you still doing that? So many of these other things come up that claim to be of value, but there are very few of real value.

    Being an instrument to change others’ lives for the better, and self-improvement are two of the truly valuable things you can do with your life, and I’m pretty sure you’re doing both. You’ve certainly made a difference in my life.

  3. We live in a world that measures progress through the acquisition of accolades and material possessions, and a religious subculture that measures progress in terms of marriage and offspring production. The reality is that all of those things will probably arrive during the course of a life well-lived, but they’re not necessarily a barometer of life’s success. The fact that you worry about making good progress means you probably are.

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