well at least I know.
ticking off apathetic options is gratifying and saddening in a swipe.
I still have an array of wide-eyed, drooling opportunities
while my stomach is nothing but anxiously waning desire..
so that’s just perfect. ideal, even.
ready to move on from this small pond I’ve been drowning in
since the wasted, drawn-out hopes have dashed me on rocks
and I am left trust-less.
all of this is starting to feel like a circus,
and the outrageous acts swirling around me in the ring
are cutting off my circulation.
the tourniquet is so tight my mind is starting to twist..
because it can’t possibly be right for me to have these feelings
that are so suddenly and inconveniently permeating my mind crannies.
how could I? this can’t be correct..
after all this time, to be hit by a brick load of realization.
what happened to guarded control?
I have only confessed this to three ears,
and I have a desperate hope
with no faith to support it;
but I’m afraid the hope is taking on its own agenda,
and I am losing control.
when one is all I can think about
while I have four in my hand..
as my life starts to resemble a katy perry song,
and the leader of four leaves me only with empty, cheap regret..
I know my ways have turned old-fashioned,
and my longing is simple: that “I love you” sacrificial war cry
in place of meaningless faux-validation
because attraction is not love,
and not just any one will do — just a certain one..
it’s time for resolution,
and a possible scary-bold move.