eye dee kay.

I’m about to be frustratingly vague. stop now if you’re gonna be pissed about it. I’m not explaining. I just have to put this out in the universe right now.

I have a problem. it’s called… Ialwaysgetscared. it’s a disease. and I have it. and it doesn’t apply to the dark or to spiders or even to sharks (gah.)….
no, no.
this is when I have something great staring me in the face and I freeze up and automatically jump 10 months (or 10 years) ahead of myself. this is when I think about all the reasons why not and how inviting that potential pool filled with everything else looks. this is when I feel flattered and obligated and like I want to run screaming because I’m scared outta my freakin mind. inside.  I feel it, I see it happen.. and it is nigh uncontrollable.
this is actually probably a root problem of Ijumptoconclusions/aheadofmyself, which is accompanied by the common side effect.. fear. this is kind of like what I used to do when I’d be doing ten homework projects at 2am during high school and have a break down.. and my mom would have to bluntly sit me down and say, “you are stuck on the big picture. you need to eat the elephant one bite at a time.” why? because I fast-forward and project and absolutely overwhelm myself thinking about everything at once.
this is a problem of expecting perfection. this is my issue. this is my stumbling block.

and right now.. this is me feeling like one big



2 thoughts on “eye dee kay.

  1. I have the same disease. It is the reason that it took me so long to pick a major and when I did I went about it in a crazy manner. I used to have panic attacks over my future cause I had to make the right decision now! Luckily, it has really subsided and I can live a somewhat normal life now 🙂

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